Chuck vs Therapy ReMastered
by BillAtWork
Summary: This is not new.  It's just improved.  Sarah finds herself in CIA imposed therapy.  Will she choose duty or love?
1. The Meltdown

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. It was written between seasons 1 and 2. The story was inspired by a BrickRoad story called February Air. It's brilliant like all of her stuff but very sad. I pleaded, begged, and basically groveled to get her to write a sequel based on this storyline. Since I can talk her into almost anything… oh wait, yeah that didn't go so well. She did generously offer to read my story and poke fun at all of my mistakes. So we went with that. Come on, BR, I'm just kidding, well mostly, lol._

_Anyway, I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_If you didn't read the original, first off, what the hell? It was the first of my stories that wasn't pure fluff. In fact this starts off a little on the angsty side. But never fear. I only write happy endings._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

The Meltdown

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah uncomfortably looked around the room that she found herself in. Everything about the room spoke of class and affluence. She was sitting on a finely apportioned leather couch. The carpet was so thick that you wanted to take your shoes off and run your toes through it. One entire wall was occupied by a built-in bookcase. It was filled with exquisitely bound books with impressive sounding titles that looked as if they had never been opened. Sarah was sitting directly in front of a large mahogany desk. On the other side in a large high back leather chair was a distinguished looking man in a business suit. Based purely on the graying around his temples, Sarah figured him to be about in his mid fifties.

For the longest time, neither one would say a word. Each just sat staring at the other, daring them to be the first to break the silence. The only sound in the room came from the grandfather clock in the corner. Finally the man caved.

"Sarah, can we get started?"

Sarah knew that she was not in control of this situation. And that was not a comfortable position. Agent Walker definitely liked to be in control. That's why winning the battle over who would speak first was so important. Maybe she could wrest some control here by pure moxie. "Dr. Brown," she said after a long pause. "Why am I here?"

The man was clearly making an attempt to appear friendly so maybe this control thing was working. "Come on, Sarah," he said. "Please call me Frank."

Maybe he could be pushed a little farther. "Okay, _Frank_," replied Sarah in an annoyed tone with an emphasis on his name. "Again, why am I here?"

If Sarah was hoping that she could intimidate this Frank, there was no sign of that. His smile remained relaxed and friendly. "Don't you remember?" he asked.

Disappointed with her apparent failure, Sarah sat wordlessly staring at him for a moment. Finally she responded sullenly. "Aren't we making far too big of a deal out of this?" she asked. "Everybody freaks out a little on a mission at some point in their career. I don't know of a single agent that this hasn't happened to at least once."

Frank's response was still friendly but firm. "Well, Sarah," he said. "I think this went a little beyond that. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sarah wasn't in a mood to give an inch. That would give up all control. "Maybe," she said dismissively after pausing to look at her fingernails. "I don't think you realize what it's like out in the field. This is a very comfortable office. Try having someone shooting bullets at your head once. That changes things." Then she tried to change the subject. "I need to check in with Chuck."

Frank didn't respond to her implied request. "Why don't you tell me about the incident?" he asked.

Here was another battle for control, one that Sarah knew she couldn't lose. "Maybe after I talk to Chuck," she said firmly with a scowl. "I need my cell phone."

"Tell me, Sarah. Why is it so important that you talk to Chuck?"

Sarah considered how honest she should be. The real reason? Or the professional one? "I'm worried about him," she said. "He's my asset, my responsibility. My mission is vitally important. I've already been away from him far too long. Let me talk to him for a few minutes and then maybe we'll talk."

"I don't think that's a good idea right now," Frank said. "Let's see how this goes."

Sarah was tired of pretending to be nice to this guy. "I want to talk to Chuck," she said insistently. "Now! Am I being held against my will?"

"Well," Frank said with his smile growing a bit. "That's an interesting question. I wouldn't put it that way exactly but it's true that you can't leave."

Sarah gave him one of those if-looks-could-kill looks. "You know," she said. "I can get out of here on my own. I could kill you in something like fifty different ways within thirty seconds."

"Of course you could," Frank said soothingly. "But you'd never make it outside. You could easily kill me. I don't dispute that. But there are fifty agents outside who would quickly catch you. And the next doctor who took my place would be talking to you strapped down and sedated. Is that what you want?"

Sarah paused to consider the truth in his words. They were in the middle of a CIA compound. To escape, she would have to fight her way through several guarded and fortified checkpoints. Frank said fifty agents would be in pursuit. Sarah figured about double that. Her odds approached zero. And even if she could get out of the facility, then what? So maybe a shift in tactics would be appropriate. Sarah forced the flirty smile on her face. "Come on, Frank," she said with a sigh as she played with her hair. "Don't be like that. Let's be friends."

Frank seemed to accept that at face value. "Okay, Sarah," he said. "I'd like that. Please tell me about the incident."

Sarah stretched her arms forcing her chest to strain against her shirt. "What do you want to know?" she asked.

"I want to know what happened."

"But that's so boring." Sarah replied with a sexy pout. "I'm sure you've already read the mission report. Can't we talk about something else?"

"We can talk about anything you'd like," Frank said. "What do you want to talk about?"

Sarah leaned forward to allow Frank an excellent view down her shirt. She also followed his eyes and knew where he was looking. It's where any man would be looking. "I want to talk about how much I want to talk to Chuck," she said. "If you would make that happen for me I'd be most appreciative. In fact I'd owe you a big favor."

"What kind of favor?"

Sarah leaned forward even more. "Anything you want," she said. "If I get what I want, you'll get anything you want. Try me."

"Sarah," Frank said. "Just to be sure, are you offering me sex if I'll let you call Chuck?"

Sarah knew what that smile, that look, that offer did to men. It was infallible. It almost wasn't even fair. She had just won. And the best part is that she wouldn't even have to pay off. What could this doctor do to her? Complain that his patient wouldn't put out for him like she'd promised? He'd get laughed out of the Doctor fraternity. So she continued to play with her hair and pressed her advantage. "If I get to talk to Chuck first," she said softly. "I'm not sure I would call it sex. I'm thinking more somewhere in the fantasy realm."

Frank laughed softly… and Sarah's vision of victory vanished like a puff of smoke. "My goodness," he said as he gently shook his head. "The CIA does an excellent job of teaching you ladies seduction skills, I have to admit that. I'd be less than honest if I didn't say that your offer was tempting at some level. Any man would be tempted. You're incredibly beautiful. Fortunately for my professional integrity, this room is being monitored. You see Sarah, you're not the first agent to think of seducing her therapist. My wife is on the staff here and regularly reviews these tapes. She's a tad on the jealous side. It's hard to fault her for that. I work with a lot of beautiful agents. In fact I already have some explaining to do. So in the interest of me staying happily married, I think I'll pass on your more than generous offer."

Frank tried his best to suppress the laugh at the surprised look on her face. "You know, Sarah," he said. "I'm actually trying to help you here. I know that you're angry. I know that you don't want to be here. If you would simply stop fighting and work with me a little, this will go a lot faster. You've tried intimidating me. You've tried seducing me. Why don't you try just cooperating for a few minutes. Give me a chance. That's the fastest way you're going to get to talk to him."

Like someone had turned a light switch, Sarah's demeanor went from sexy to sullen. She just stared at Frank defiantly with her arms folded over her chest.

"Okay, Sarah, if you don't want to talk about the incident, let's talk about this Mr. Bartowski for a minute. You seem to be very interested in him."

Sarah was no longer going to pretend to be civil. "His name is Chuck." she snapped.

"Okay," Frank said. "Let's talk about Chuck. Why is it so important to you that you talk to him?"

Sarah looked at him as if he was stupid. "I've already told you," she said sharply. "It's my responsibility to make sure that he is safe. I'm worried about him. I'm sure that he is worried about me."

"Ah," Frank said with a sudden understanding. "Now we're getting somewhere. You're worried about each other. Don't worry about that. Let me assure you Chuck is perfectly safe. I just talked to Agent Casey an hour ago. Chuck knows where you are and what you're doing. And while I won't pretend that he isn't concerned, he's comfortable that you're in the right place for now."

Sarah had no choice. So she gave in. "Please let me talk to him," she said softly. "Please. I'm asking you. I'm not going to be able to concentrate on what you want to talk about until I can talk to him."

Frank sat and observed her for a moment. "This is outside of procedure," he said just as softly. "But I'll make a deal with you. If you will cooperate with me for the rest of our morning session, I'll see about letting you talk to him for a few minutes. Is that a deal?"

"Do I have a choice?" Sarah asked sullenly after a long pause.

"We always have a choice," Frank said. "Do we have a deal?"

"Okay," Sarah said with a huge sigh. "I guess it's the best I'm going to get. We have a deal."

"Tell me about your relationship with Chuck," Frank said. "You're not acting like a handler would act. This is something else. What is he to you that you're so concerned for him?"

Now Sarah could finally see what he was getting at. "Come on Frank," she said sarcastically. "Do you really think I'm stupid? Are you trying to trap me here?"

"I'm a doctor," Frank said quickly. "I'll assure you - whatever you say in here is in the strictest confidence."

"Give me a break," Sarah quickly replied derisively. "I've been with the CIA for ten years. Are you really expecting me to believe that they would respect patient doctor privilege?"

"Okay," said Frank with his own laugh. "I guess I can see your point. I can assure you until I'm blue in the face that whatever you say in here is privileged. It absolutely is. You're not going to believe it. So let's say this another way, one that I had hoped to avoid. Unless you can convince me that you're telling me the truth this morning, you're not talking to Chuck today."

Sarah stared at Frank again for a full minute without either saying a word. But this time it was Sarah's turn to break first.

"Okay. You win. I'm in love with him. I know it's against the rules, but I am."

"That's fascinating," Frank said. "Sarah, be assured. I don't care at all about those kinds of rules. In fact I think they're counter-productive. Tell me; is he in love with you?"

"Yes. Well, I hope so. No, he is."

"And for how long would you say you've been in love?"

"Probably about three months," Sarah said cautiously. "Maybe four."

"That must have been difficult given your professional relationship," Frank said. "Tell me about the first time that you told him that you loved him."

Sarah paused for a long moment looking around the room uncomfortably. "I never have told him," she finally admitted sadly.

"Really?" Frank asked. "Why not?"

"I'm not sure." said Sarah "I just never got around to it."

"And your other boyfriend, Bryce, was it?"

Sarah nodded.

"Did you love him?"

Sarah paused for a moment to consider the question. "I guess," she said. "In a way. But nothing like I feel for Chuck."

Frank nodded. "Help me to understand," he said. "Did you ever tell Bryce that you loved him?"

"Sure," Sarah said casually. "A few times."

"So," Frank said thoughtfully. "Would it be fair to say that you love Chuck more than you did Bryce?"

There was no hesitation to that question. "Absolutely," Sarah replied quickly. "There is no comparison. It's not even close."

Frank paused to consider her response. "Maybe it's a physical thing," he said. "Which one did you have the most passion for in bed?"

"Why does everything always have to be about sex?"

That got a genuine laugh. "Come on, Sarah," he said still laughing. "I'm a therapist. With us it's always about sex. You should know that." Then he got more serious. "Seriously, it's important. Which one do you think is better in bed?"

Again Sarah looked around the room uncomfortably. "I don't know," she said. "I've never been in bed with Chuck. Well, that's not literally true. We've slept in the same bed. But we've never…"

"Come on, Sarah," Frank said softly. "Why not? I mean, you're certainly not shy sexually. You just offered to have sex with me twenty minutes ago. Yet this man who you claim to be deeply in love with for three months? You've never told him that you love him and you've never had sex with him. But Bryce, who you say you didn't care nearly as much for, the opposite is true. I don't understand."

Sarah was clearly blinking away some tears. "You don't understand," she said. "I don't think I can explain it."

Frank could tell that this was something that simply had to be resolved. But she needed a break. "Okay, Sarah," he said. "I think that's probably enough for this morning. Why don't you go to your room and rest for a while. We'll talk again after lunch."

"Can I talk to Chuck?" Sarah asked expectantly. "You promised."

"Yes," Frank said with a smile as he rose from his chair. "We made a deal. You can talk to him for a couple of minutes. Then I want to talk to you about your incident. Is that a deal?"

"Yes," Sarah said as she stood up from the couch. "And for the record, I wasn't really going to have sex with you this morning. I was just going to tell you that to get my way."

"I know," Frank said as his smile turned into a grin. "Like I said, you're not the first agent to think of it. And Sarah, I understand that you feel like a prisoner here. I'm sorry about that. But please don't try anything drastic. If you try and escape, things would be out of my control. Unfortunately that would cause your situation here to get more unpleasant. We're genuinely trying to help you. If you will honestly work with me for a few days, I promise you'll feel better. Maybe you'll be able to have the kind of relationship with Chuck that you both want. That would be a good thing, don't you think?"

Sarah nodded as she left the room.

As soon as Sarah closed the door behind her, Frank picked up his phone. "Hi, Janice," he said. "Could you please get me in touch with Chuck Bartowski? His information is in the file."

x-x-x-x-x

"Mr. Bartowski," Frank said. "I'm so sorry to have to call you so early. My name is Dr. Frank Brown. I'm taking care of Sarah. Would you please call me Frank?"

"Of course," Chuck said. "As long as you'll call me Chuck. Please tell me about Sarah. How is she doing? I'm very worried about her. Is she going to be okay?"

Frank knew that Chuck was anxious. "I think that she is," he said soothingly. "That's actually why I wanted to talk to you. I need your help to help Sarah get better. I'm sure that you want that, right?"

"Of course," Chuck said. "I'll do anything to help her get better."

"I just want to caution you," Frank said. "I need you to be totally candid with me here. I need to know the total truth if I'm to help Sarah effectively. I understand that there are things you have been hiding from Sarah's superiors. I want to assure you, I couldn't care less about CIA fraternization rules. I need the truth. Are you in love with Sarah?"

Chuck's response was just as quick as Sarah's had been. "I'm completely in love with her," he said softly.

"I'm afraid I'm going to need you to be a little more specific," Frank said with a smile in his voice. "In love is a broad term. It means different things to different people. Could you please describe your feelings for Sarah?"

"I'm completely, head over heels, spending the rest of my life, can't imagine my life without her, married with three kids in love, Frank," Chuck said. "Does that help?"

"It does," said Frank with a laugh. "You said that very well. Could you tell me why you are in love with Sarah?"

Chuck paused for a moment to consider the question. "Well," he finally began. "Sarah is something of an enigma. She is the nicest person I know and yet I've seen her kill countless men with her bare hands. She makes me laugh when she smiles and makes me sad when she frowns. I think about her every minute of every day. I can look in her eyes and forget all of my troubles. She's been gone for a little over a day and I miss her like crazy. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes, Chuck," Frank said. "I'm not sure if you realize this, but that was simply perfect. It's plainly obvious that you love her. She's very lucky."

"You don't believe that she loves me," Chuck said sadly. "Do you?"

"You're insecure about that aren't you?" Frank asked with a soothing laugh. "Don't worry. That's completely normal when she won't reinforce your feelings." Frank stopped the laugh and got more serious. "On the contrary, Chuck, I think that she is desperately in love with you, maybe more so than you with her. But she also knows that she shouldn't be in love with you. It's becoming clear that's the main issue that she has to deal with. She's scared to death."

"How can I help her? I'll do anything."

"Well," Frank said. "I'm glad you asked that. I am going to let her call you in a couple of hours. It's very important that you be calm and supportive. She has quite a case of separation anxiety. I know that your instincts are going to be to press her to tell you that she loves you but that would be a serious mistake. Please try your best to not put any pressure on her. She needs to hear that you love her and want her to get better. She especially needs to hear that you'll be waiting for her when she does. I assume that's true?"

"Of course," Chuck quickly answered. "I'll do whatever it takes to help her. Can I tell her that I love her?"

"Of course," Frank said. "In fact tell her often. It's good for her to hear it. Just don't be disappointed when she doesn't say it back. She can't right now. If you realize it or not, you're far more important in helping Sarah get better than I am. She needs a reason to fight. Knowing that you're waiting for her is that reason. If she loses that, she's in big trouble. Are we clear?"

"Very clear," Chuck said softly. "Trust me. You're not asking me to do anything other than what I'm already desperate to do. How long is this going to take? I really want to see her."

"That's the first question everybody always asks," Frank said with a soft laugh. "I'm not laughing at you, Chuck. I'm sorry if it sounded like that. It's simply impossible to say, sometimes only a few days, sometimes a few months. That's totally up to Sarah. CIA Agents are under stresses that civilians can't even imagine. She has some serious issues to work through. But she also has some things going for her. The main thing is that she has a good man who loves her. Don't let her lose that. For right now anyway, I think it's best if she doesn't see you. There may be a time in the next few days when I would like to speak to you together. I'm assuming you would be okay with that."

"I'll do anything, Frank. I just want her back. Will she be ever get back to normal?"

Now it was Frank's turn to pause to consider the question. "I guess that depends on what you'd call normal," he finally answered with a distinct smile to his voice. "If this goes well, she'll be better than normal, at least from your perspective. Perhaps the CIA won't agree. We'll see about that."

x-x-x-x-x

_"Chuck, are you there?"_

_"Hi, Sarah, how are you doing?"_

_"Oh my God, Chuck I miss you. I want to come home."_

_"I know. I miss you too."_

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Yes. Don't worry about me. Casey hasn't let me out of his sight. I've been holding off on going to the bathroom for the past three hours."_

_"That's funny. I can't tell you how much I needed that laugh."_

_"Will you promise me that you'll do what they ask you to?"_

_"I will. I'm not really sure why I'm here though."_

_"Just get better. Okay? I love you and I'll be waiting here when you get back. I need you. I can't imagine my life without you."_

_"Promise?"_

_"I most definitely promise."_

_"Frank is motioning me to get off so I'll say goodbye."_

_"Goodbye, Sarah. I love you."_

_"Goodbye, Chuck. I'll talk to you again as soon as they'll let me."_

As soon as Sarah hung up the phone, she turned to Frank. Her demeanor had completely changed. "Thank you for letting me talk to him," she said with her eyes shinning. "I really needed to hear his voice. When can I talk to him again?"

Frank took full measure at the change in her mood. "I was wrong earlier," he said. "He's actually very good for you. I'll tell you what. If you will honestly work with me, I'll make sure that you get to talk to him regularly. Is that fair?"

Sarah nodded in relief. "Thank you."

"Now," Frank said. "Let's get to work. Tell me about the incident. Let me assure you, I know all about the intersect. I have the very highest security clearance so you don't have to worry about that. Take your time. If at any point it gets too hard, we'll take a break and talk about something else for a while."

"Well," Sarah began. "It started off as a pretty typical mission. Chuck had flashed on a drug smuggler with ties to an international terrorist group. It happened all the time. We were ordered to stake out his warehouse to see if we could find out who the big shots were. As normal, Chuck came along to see if he could flash on anyone. He was supposed to stay in the car."

x-x-x-x-x

Casey and Sarah were crouched behind a large crate with guns drawn. Shots were flying all around them.

"How many?" Sarah asked, shouting to be heard over the noise of gunfire as she fired a round.

"I don't know," Casey answered. "At least ten, probably more."

"Where's Chuck?" Sarah asked.

"Still in the car, I hope."

"Can we make it back to the car and get him out of here?" Sarah asked.

"I don't see how," Casey responded. "I'll cover you and you get back to the car and call for backup. I'll hold them off while you get Bartowski out of here."

Sarah didn't wait for a signal. She sprinted for the door. Several shots followed her but Casey's cover fire gave her enough time to make it out the door. Unfortunately when she looked inside the car, it was empty. She frantically glanced around the immediate area but there was no sign of Chuck.

CIA Agents were trained to stay calm in crisis. But that was pretty much out the window. Sarah was close to panicked. She had to find Chuck. Why wouldn't he ever just stay in the damn car? Then she answered her own question. He would never stay where it was safe while she was in danger. Figuring that he was in the warehouse with the bad guys, she turned and sprinted back into the fray. Just as she was passing where Casey was hidden a shot hit her in the chest knocking her down. Although her vest took most of the impact, she pretty much lost consciousness for a moment. When she regained her bearings, Casey was kneeling over her.

"Are you all right?" he yelled.

"We have to find Chuck," Sarah screamed hysterically as she struggled to her feet.

Since bullets were still flying, Casey grabbed her by the waist and forced her to the ground. Sarah struggled against Casey trying to get loose so she could go find Chuck. She was hitting Casey with everything she had to get him to let go. All poor Casey could do was duck his head and hold on. As he held her, she screamed "I have to find Chuck."

Over and over.

That's the condition they were in when the backup arrived. Chuck had called for backup the instant the first shot was fired and went out into the street to wait for them and show them where to go. It was well longer than an hour after the incident before Sarah could speak. All she could do was hold on to Chuck crying. Chuck, not knowing what else to do, rubbed her back as she sobbed.

x-x-x-x-x

"Okay, Sarah," Frank said after she had finished the story. "You're the best agent in the CIA. Why would you foolishly charge back into that firefight?"

"I thought that Chuck was in there." Sarah said, her voice no more than a whisper.

"And why did you think that?" said Frank. "There was absolutely no evidence that he was in there, right? And even if he was, going charging in there like a bull wouldn't have done any good. You almost got yourself and your partner killed. Why?"

"Some partner," Sarah replied sarcastically. "Wait until I get my hands on my 'partner.'"

Frank smiled. "I understand that you're not too happy with Major Casey right now," he said. "We'll deal with that later. When you can look at this objectively you'll realize that he was protecting you by reporting this. He almost assuredly saved your life. In your current emotional state it was only a matter of time before something tragic happened. But for right now, I want to concentrate on why you would take such a reckless and foolish action."

"I don't know," Sarah said with tears starting to form. "I couldn't think. I was paralyzed. That's never happened to me before. All I could think of was that I had lost him. I'd rather die than lose him."

"Is that how you were feeling this morning when you offered to have sex with me if I would let you talk to him?" Frank asked softly.

Sarah nodded.

Frank tried to lighten the mood a little. "It's called acute separation anxiety," he said with a smile. "It's perfectly normal. Almost everybody experiences it at some point in their life, except for deep cover CIA agents. For them it's often fatal. Tell me something. I noticed that you didn't tell Chuck that you loved him on the phone. It seemed like the thing to say in that situation. Why didn't you?"

"I don't know," Sarah said hesitantly.

"But you do love him," Frank insisted. "Don't you?"

"Very much."

"This isn't a case of denial," Frank said, more to himself than Sarah. "You openly admit it. You'll tell me that you love him, right?"

"Yes."

"Help me out here," Frank said. "Why won't you tell him?"

"I don't know." said Sarah softly. "You're the therapist. Why don't you tell me?"

Frank actually smiled at her mild shot. "I think that you do know," he said. "You really need to say it."

"Okay, Frank. I guess you're right. I probably do know."

"It's okay, Sarah," Frank said. "Please just trust me this once. It would be very therapeutic for you to just admit this to yourself once out loud."

"I don't want to."

"Sarah," Frank insisted softly. "Do you want to get better? You need to face this."

Sarah paused for a long moment. "I'm afraid, Frank," she said.

"I know," Frank replied. "But the real question is what specifically are you afraid of?"

Sarah paused for an even longer moment. Finally she answered.

"Once I tell him, there's no going back."

x-x-x-x-x


	2. The Decision

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_Oh, one other thing that I should have mentioned is that my growth as a writer included getting a tad more explicit describing the intimate scenes. I promise, nothing that will keep this from a T rating. BTW, I blame Poa for that, lol._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

The Decision

x-x-x-x-x

Frank smiled at Sarah sipping her coffee. "Good morning, Sarah," he said cheerily as she sat on the couch across from him. "I hope that you had a good night's sleep."

Sarah wasn't at all shy about being frank with… well, Frank. "Not really," she said with a frown. "Please don't take offense, Frank, but I am really tired of being here. When can I get back to Burbank?"

"I don't take any offense at that at all." Frank said with a soft laugh. "In fact I'd be disappointed if you were less than honest. Please don't get discouraged. We made some good progress yesterday. But we clearly still have some major work to do."

Sarah couldn't keep in her frustration. "I don't understand," she said with a big sigh. "Okay, I have some issues. I'll admit that. But you've already helped me understand them a lot better. I always thought that people were only institutionalized when they were a risk to themselves or others. Certainly you can't believe that I'm a risk to anybody?"

"You're not being institutionalized," said Frank quickly. "This is not even close to that. I hope that you don't feel that way at all. If you were a civilian you'd be home now. Unfortunately, Sarah, you're not a normal person. You're a highly trained killing machine. The agency is going to be incredibly careful before they allow you back in the field. I can think that you would understand that."

That didn't help much. "But can't we schedule some sessions in Burbank?" Sarah pleaded. "I'll commit to attend whatever you think is required. I just feel trapped here in this room. I really feel like I need to get back to Chuck."

"I know that you're going to disagree." Frank said softly. "But right now I really think that it's in your best interest to be here. I don't want you to feel trapped. That's unfortunate. But let's face it, Sarah. Your going back to Burbank right now is not the answer. What would you say to him? Let's figure that out first."

"Please, Frank," Sarah said as she tried to blink back the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I miss him."

"I know," Frank said softly. "Trust me. I understand what you're feeling. You're sort of in a panic right now, torn between two powerful emotions. You're terrified of making an emotional commitment to Chuck and at the same time you're equally terrified of losing him. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sarah nodded as she lost her battle and the tears began to flow down her cheeks.

Frank gave Sarah a long moment to gather her composure. "I can help you," he said softly. "We can work on those issues. Can I make a deal with you? If you will take a deep breath, calm down a little, and truly work with me, I'll bring Chuck here. Would that work for you?"

Well, that got Sarah's attention. "When?" she immediately asked as her eyes noticeably brightened.

"It could be as early as tomorrow," Frank said with a smile. "But I need you to understand, we have some work to do first. You're in no condition to see Chuck right now. First you have some life decisions to make. Do we have a deal?"

"I guess I don't have much of a choice." Sarah said looking up into Frank's eyes. "Yes, we have a deal."

"Good," said Frank as he clapped his hands. "Understand something. You always have a choice, always. You just made a very important one. Let's get to work. Tell me about the instant when you first realized that you were in love with Chuck."

Sarah looked down at the floor appearing to be deep in thought. After a moment she looked back up at Frank. "I guess that would be in my hotel room," she said softly. "Bryce had just come back after we thought he was dead. We had a big shootout to save Chuck from Fulcrum. After it was over, Bryce asked me to return to being his partner …"

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah felt like cement blocks were tied to her feet while she was packing. She knew that leaving tonight with Bryce was the smart play. She just didn't want to do it.

She knew all of the reasons now by heart. After all she had gone over them time and time and time again. Bryce just made much more sense. Today's fight at the Buy More was just another example. They simply clicked professionally. Not only that, he was just like her. He knew the life she had chosen. There was no question that he was a superior agent in his own right. There was no one she would rather have at her back on a mission.

She didn't have to worry about any emotional demands from Bryce, that was for sure. He would understand completely whenever she had to flirt, or even more, with a mark. Truth be told, he would more than likely be the one to suggest that tactic. Bryce was like a wind up toy. Give him sex a couple of times a week and he was good to go. Okay, so she didn't love him. At one point she thought that maybe she did. But she now knew she could no longer pretend that was true. She didn't love him, wasn't 'in love' with him anyway. And she never would be. But wasn't love overrated anyway? Wasn't her commitment to the greater good more important than love?

Chuck, on the other hand, was almost the exact opposite. He would never be satisfied with what Agent Walker could give him and still call herself a professional. He would always want more. He would never be able to understand the things that she had to do for the job. Sure, she longed for a normal life. Who wouldn't? And, yes, Chuck was the nicest, sweetest man she could ever hope to meet. More importantly, no matter what the situation they found themselves in he could always make her laugh. There was just something about him. He was the first man she had ever met that could make her laugh. Okay, so she sometimes caught herself daydreaming about their children and what they would look like. But that was just silly schoolgirl stuff.

Because Sarah also knew that she had made a vow to serve the greater good. It was a shame but those two worlds just didn't mix very well. In order to do her duty, she would constantly have to hurt him. She absolutely knew that she wouldn't be able to look at those sad brown eyes and continue to crush him. It was clearly only a matter of time before he would whittle away at her resolve. If she was going to have a future with Chuck what it would look like was simply fait accompli. First he would insist that she become his girlfriend, then his lover, then his fiancé, and finally his wife and mother of his children. Insist was probably a bad choice of words. It implied that she wouldn't be willing somehow. That was the real problem. He would make her want to be his wife more than he did. That much was already plainly obvious.

Sarah couldn't help but smile as she imagined Chuck proposing. He would go out of his way to make it a romantic experience that she would never forget. That was his style. He was always looking to make her feel good.

"Come on Walker," she told herself. "Snap out of it. You don't love him."

As Sarah continued her packing she eventually came across Chuck's favorite blouse. It was totally predictable. He never failed to compliment her every time she would wear it. It was getting to the point where she saved wearing it for special days to make sure that it made him happy. As she began to fold the blouse, she thought about how Chuck's eyes would sparkle every time he saw her wearing it.

Bryce never commented on her appearance. Well only to encourage her to seduce someone. Oh, and to get her into bed, but only then when she was already semi naked. As a matter of fact, Bryce's favorite blouse was which ever one he was taking off her at the time and throwing on the floor.

Sure, as a woman, she really appreciated how Chuck would always take the time to compliment her. The first few times he did it she was frankly surprised by the tingle that hit her. Now she had come to expect it, truth be told looked forward to it. But it was more than that. Sarah was certainly used to being complimented by men. Chuck was different. She could see in his eyes that he meant it. He wasn't trying to be smooth, to butter her up to get something like most men, like Bryce would. She could really get used to hearing him compliment her and getting that incredible tingle for the rest of her life.

This kind of thinking sure wasn't helping. "You don't love him." she said to herself firmly. Dad had always told her that love is for suckers. But the tears in her eyes were making it hard to concentrate on her packing.

Then it happened. When Sarah went to put the blouse in the suitcase, she realized that she had already hung it back in the closet. For the life of her, she couldn't remember doing that. She knew that she was at a crossroads in her life. She absolutely knew in her heart that if she didn't leave tonight, she never would be able to again. All she could see was Chuck's face when he got the news that she was gone. The hurt look was more than she could bear. He didn't deserve to be hurt like that. In fact she would tear anyone who would hurt him like that apart with her bare hands. He was the most genuinely nicest person she had ever met.

"You don't love him," she finally sobbed to herself as she threw herself onto the bed. The decision was made. Her neatly packed clothes went flying everywhere as she kicked the suitcase off the bed.

x-x-x-x-x

Again, Frank gave her a moment to gather her composure. "So that's the point where you couldn't deny it any longer," he eventually said. "What did you do about it?"

In spite of the situation a sad smile came to Sarah's lips. "I was such a total bitch," she said. "I treated Chuck really, really badly for a few days. I snapped at him and made his life pretty miserable. Then I got an assignment to get close to a mark. We were on his yacht. I knew that Chuck and Casey were watching. I put on the skimpiest bikini I had and made sure that Chuck could see us necking. I even turned a little so that Chuck would be sure to see the mark's hand go inside my top."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Sarah said with a sigh. "I was angry at him. I guess I blamed him for making me fall in love with him. That doesn't seem very fair, does it? He would have been well within his rights to never want to see me again. But he didn't. That's just… that's just Chuck."

"I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly," Frank said. "You were overcompensating. People do all sorts of irrational things when they find themselves in love for the first time. You've never told Chuck that you love him. Is that right?"

Sarah nodded sadly. "I'm such a bitch," she sighed.

"But I assume he's told you that he loves you?"

Sarah nodded again, but this time with a grin on her face.

"Tell me about the first time."

Sarah took a moment to fondly relive the moment internally. "Well," she finally said thoughtfully. "We had gone on an outing with Chuck's sister and her finance. Our cover was that we had been dating for about six months. I knew that I couldn't tell Chuck how I felt. So I guess I sort of used that as an excuse to try and show him. It didn't work out so well…"

x-x-x-x-x

Chuck and Sarah were sitting in the back seat of Devon's car. From the front seat, Ellie couldn't contain her excitement, not that she was really trying. "I'm so excited that you and Chuck could finally come with us to the beach," she said with a huge smile. "I've been looking forward to this all week."

Sarah honestly liked Ellie. So the smile wasn't at all fake. "I'm really glad that it worked out," she said as she snuggled into Chuck. "This is really going to be fun."

Chuck was always awkward in situations where they had to pretend to be intimate. And this time was no exception. Sarah could feel that he was acting stiff so she smiled at him.

"It's okay, Chuck," she whispered in his ear as she nuzzled his neck. "Put your arm around me and relax. Don't worry about anything. This isn't a mission. Let's just have fun today."

The almost imperceptible nod that he gave her as he slipped his arm around her shoulder told her that he understood.

The day at the beach was one of the best days Sarah could ever remember in her life. Chuck kept her laughing all day, no surprise there. What was a surprise was when they played volleyball how athletic he was. Although he was not in Devon's or her league as an athlete, he certainly didn't embarrass himself. And seeing him without a shirt for the first time, well that was also a surprise. He was in much better shape than she assumed. In fact she found herself staring at him more than once.

But the thing that impressed Sarah the most was his lack of possessiveness. Naturally Sarah attracted a lot of attention at that beach in her bikini. Unless there was a mark to seduce, Bryce would have gotten all macho in that situation and made sure that everybody knew they were together. If the stares bothered Chuck, he was great at not showing it. Sarah made a conscious effort to let all the stray men know the situation. Whenever any guys would overtly stare she would go over and give Chuck a quick kiss, just to let them know who she was with.

It was even Chuck who suggested that Devon and Sarah take on the local volleyball champs. "It only makes sense." he explained. They were clearly the two strongest players. Instead of pouting like Bryce would have, Chuck actually cheered. He was even able to point out some strategy that helped Sarah and Devon win. It was a side of Chuck that Sarah had not seen much of. And it was very attractive.

On the ride home, Sarah made sure that she snuggled tightly against Chuck. Since she was still wearing only her bikini, the impression she was making was obvious. Sarah was trained to know when a man was aroused. That training was completely unnecessary today. It was that obvious. Once, Sarah leaned in to give Chuck a kiss. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she saw his eyes widen when he felt her tongue brush between his lips. She knew that he would be embarrassed doing this in the car with his sister but she just couldn't help it. The blush in his face was so cute.

Once they got back to Ellie's place, the two couples quickly decided to head to their respective rooms. Even though Ellie was beaming at what she had witnessed all day, she was obviously more interested at this point in being alone with Devon.

As soon as Sarah led Chuck into his room, Chuck smiled. "Thanks for today," he said softly. "You've really convinced Ellie that we're a couple."

Sarah stepped up to Chuck and put her arms around his neck. Just before she kissed him she whispered, "Have I convinced you?"

The force of the kiss pushed Chuck onto his bed with Sarah on top of him. They were still engaged in the long kiss. As soon as the kiss broke, Chuck looked at Sarah with a longing in his eyes that she had never seen.

"I don't know if I'm totally convinced that we're really a couple," he whispered. "But I am convinced that I'm totally in love with you."

The words hit Sarah with a bolt of lightening. With that Chuck kissed her again. This time it was his tongue that made it past Sarah's lips. Sarah didn't really know what to do. So she did nothing. She didn't respond to the kiss but she didn't resist it either. Then she felt Chuck's hands untying the top of her bikini. It was a testament to his hand eye coordination that he had her top off before she could even react. Suddenly Chuck rolled over, putting him on top of her. One of his hands was softly massaging her now bare breast while the other hand was attempting to slide her bikini bottom off.

Sarah quickly reacted. Well, that's not exactly true. It was Agent Walker on pure instinct. It was a classic out-of-body experience. She rolled over and jumped off the bed. "I'm so sorry Chuck," she said softly as she covered her breasts with her arms. "I can't do this."

Sarah grabbed her top and went in the bathroom to put it back on. When she came out Chuck was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm really sorry, Sarah," he said without looking up, his voice no more than a whisper. "I guess I misinterpreted what you were saying. I'm so sorry."

Sarah was fighting to keep her composure. Here was the nicest man in the world apologizing for being in love with her. She knew that she only had a few seconds before she totally broke down. "Please don't be sorry," she said. "Chuck, you didn't do anything to be sorry for. This is my issue. I can't do my job and … well, I can't do this right now. Please don't hate me."

When Chuck wouldn't look up, Sarah knew she had to get out of that room or break completely down in front of him. "It's best if I go," she said. "I'll go out the window so Ellie doesn't know."

Chuck simply nodded still without looking up.

"Chuck, please don't feel bad," Sarah pleaded as she opened the window. "I want this as much as you do, maybe more. I just can't right now."

As Sarah closed the window she saw Chuck throw himself face down onto his pillow. His body was heaving with emotion. Sarah had to sit in her car for over an hour before she could compose herself enough to drive home.

x-x-x-x-x

Frank and Sarah had developed somewhat of an unspoken agreement. He would pretend that he couldn't see her tears and she wouldn't try and hide them.

Frank waited a moment for Sarah to compose herself purposefully averting his gaze while she wiped the tears from her eyes. Then he turned to her softly. "You really wanted him?" he asked. "Didn't you?"

"I've never wanted anything more in my whole life, Frank. Ever. I can't believe how much I wanted it. It was a little scary."

"You told Chuck that the reason was the job," Frank said. "Do you think that he bought it?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Do you think that he accepted that reason?" Frank asked insistently. "You were telling him that you couldn't be in love with him and also do your job. You still are, right? You're also telling him that your job is more important to you than he is."

"But that is the reason." Sarah protested. "Chuck knows how important my job is to me. He knows how dedicated I am and how much I'm driven by my sense of duty. He understands. He has always accepted that I could only give him what the job would allow. He's far too sweet to ever put any pressure on me about that."

Frank paused a moment, more for dramatic effect than anything. "Well," he said. "Then I'm afraid that you're really not going to like what I'm about to tell you. I just got a call from Director Graham. They have decided that if you insist on seeing Chuck, you'll have to resign your position in the CIA. If you stay in the CIA, they are going to reassign you as soon as you're cleared for duty. You'll never see him again."

"What?" Sarah cried.

"I have your resignation letter right here." Frank said as he held up a clipboard for her to see. There was clearly a document secured on the clipboard. "If you sign it, Chuck will be here in the morning. If you don't, I'm afraid that you'll never see him again."

"How can they expect me to make that decision?" Sarah asked frantically.

"I guess they've come to the conclusion that you're right," Frank said firmly. "How can you do your job effectively and be in love with your asset? It wouldn't work. And, Sarah, you know the CIA. They don't give a fig about your personal happiness. They just want you to be effective in the field."

Sarah simply sat staring numbly straight ahead unable to say a word with tears filling her eyes.

After a moment, Frank sighed. "It's okay, Sarah," he said in a soothing tone. "Don't worry. I'll let Chuck know. I'm sure he'll understand. After all, you're probably right. He knows the life you've chosen, the sacrifices you've made. He may be a little torn up for a while but I'll make sure he gets some counseling. He'll be fine eventually, I promise."

"Give me the letter," Sarah said through her tears.

Frank handed the clipboard to Sarah. She signed the bottom of the document without looking and tossed the clipboard and pen ungracefully back on the desk.

Frank smiled the smile of victory. "When it comes right down to it," he said gently. "That was a pretty easy decision, wasn't it?"

Sarah just nodded.

Now Frank's smile had turned into a broad grin. "You didn't even look at it before you signed it, did you?"

Sarah didn't know what he wanted her to say so she just looked at him with a confused look.

Frank picked up the clipboard from the desk. He slid the document that Sarah had just signed out of the clipboard and made a big show out of ripping it into small pieces.

Franks grin at her puzzled look grew a bit. "That was actually an application for a credit card," he said. "I think it was a MasterCard. They send me these damn things all of the time. I never thought one would come in handy. You should really read things before you sign them."

Sarah just looked at Frank with a surprised look.

"Sarah, I'm sorry to have played you like that," he continued with a smile. "But you've been telling yourself, Chuck, and anybody else who would listen that your job is the reason that you can't be with Chuck. Now we both know that is a total rationalization. It's a lie you've convinced yourself is true. You've just proven it. You just had to choose between your job and Chuck. Your decision was pretty easy. I have an idea. After lunch maybe we can stop all this avoidance nonsense and perhaps get you to admit to yourself the real reason."

x-x-x-x-x


	3. The Reason

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_Oh, one other thing that I should have mentioned is that my growth as a writer included getting a tad more explicit describing the intimate scenes. I promise, nothing that will keep this from a T rating. BTW, I blame Poa for that, lol._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

The Reason

x-x-x-x-x

It was good that Frank allowed Sarah to eat lunch by herself. It allowed her the space to process the morning's events on her own. Of course maybe Frank wanted some space of his own. That was fine too.

"Frank," Sarah said as soon as they were both comfortably seated after lunch. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can ask me a question," replied Frank. "I sure have been asking you enough."

"How did you know?"

Even though Frank knew full well what she was getting at, he wanted her to say it. "How did I know what?" he asked.

"How did you know that I would choose Chuck over my job?" Sarah asked softly.

"Well I didn't exactly know," Frank confessed with a smile. "But it was a pretty safe bet, wasn't it? If the job was the real reason you wouldn't have been so conflicted. If the job was more important there really wouldn't be any decision to make, would there? You would have left with Bryce when you had the chance."

"What if I hadn't done what you expected?" Sarah asked.

"Was there really any chance of that happening?" Frank asked with a twinkle in his eye.

"No," Sarah said with a small smile coming across her face. "But you didn't know that, did you? It seems like a big risk to take."

"I wasn't taking a risk at all," Frank said thoughtfully. "If you had chosen your job, at least we would know the truth, right? Knowing the truth is the whole battle. We can't deal with issues when we don't know what they are. And make no mistake what all this is about. I don't have a dog in this hunt. I'm not trying to get you to decide to throw yourself in Chuck's arms, to marry him and have his babies."

Sarah's head jerked up. "Then what are you trying to do?" she asked.

"That's easy," Frank replied quickly. "I'm trying to get you to figure out what it is that you truly want. Not what you think that you are supposed to want, what you really want. And once you figure that out, to not be afraid to go for it with zero regrets. That's the only way for you to be truly happy. And if that means you remain a lone-wolf CIA Agent, alone for the rest of your life, who am I to object? But the fact is, there are two people being affected by the choice you're going to make. I don't know Chuck Bartowski at all. I've only talked to him for a few minutes. But he seems like a very nice guy. So it seems humane to make this call as soon as possible and move on. To do that we have to understand the real issue."

"When did you talk to Chuck?" Sarah asked. "What did he say?"

"I talked to him on the phone yesterday," Frank said. "I'm not going to tell you specifically what he said. That's a doctor thing. But I will tell you that I came away very impressed with him. He seemed like a very nice, intelligent young man who knows what he wants."

"What does he want?"

Frank smiled. "Come on, Sarah," he said. "I can't tell you that. But do you really have to ask me?"

"No," Sarah said with a sigh. "I know what he wants."

"So," Frank said. "You probably owe him a decision one way or the other. If you can't give him what he wants, he needs to be able to move on. Anything else borders on cruel, don't you think?"

Sarah nodded. "I'm not trying to be cruel," she said. "I know that it probably looks like it. He's truly the nicest person in the world. Be honest with me. Do you know what my real issue is?"

"I think so," Frank said softly. "I think that you do too. You just need to admit it to yourself."

"Could you please just tell me?" Sarah asked in a pleading tone. "Then I'll admit it and this will be over. Then I can go back to Chuck."

"I'm sorry, Sarah," Frank said with a laugh. "It simply doesn't work that way. It's not going to mean anything to you if I tell you. You need to tell yourself. I know that this may sound like a scene from The Wizard of Oz, but you're the only one you'll truly believe. I know that you want to get back to Chuck. But let me ask you a question. If Chuck walked in that door right now, what would you do?"

"I don't know," Sarah said sadly.

"Precisely," Frank said. "Sarah, I know that you're tired of being here. I know that you miss him. I know that he misses you and that knowledge causes you pain. But please hang in there for just a while longer. We're almost home. I promise we're close to you knowing what you will do."

Sarah paused for a moment. "I'm scared," she said. "What if I decide that I can't be with Chuck? I don't think I can live with that."

"And that's the biggest reason why it's probably not going to happen," Frank said softly. "But let's face some facts here, if the decision were that easy, you wouldn't have any trouble making it. If you are going to have anything real with Chuck, it needs to be based on what you both really want. Not what you fear. Not what you think you should want. But what you want. Let's figure out what that really is. If you're going to be with Chuck, then you'll really have a chance. If you can't be with him for whatever reason, well, it's better for you both to know that now."

Sarah sighed in agreement.

"Are you ready to get back to work?" Frank asked.

Sarah nodded.

"Okay, Sarah," Frank said softly. "I know that this part is going to be hard on you. We'll go as slow as you want. But I want to hear about your dad. I know that he was an agent. That must have made for a strained relationship. Agents are usually not good at relationships. Can you talk about that?"

Sarah looked around the room uncomfortably for a moment. "Well, Frank," she finally began. "The truth is there isn't much to say. I was much closer to my mother. But she died of cancer when I was fifteen. My dad wasn't around much. After my mom died, our relationship was kind of strained. And when he was around, he prepared me for life in the only way he knew how. I remember our last talk like it was yesterday…"

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah couldn't begin to keep the disappointment off her face.

"Come on, Sarah," Dad said. "You know that I can't be at your basketball game. I'm going to be out of town."

"But daddy," Sarah said. "It's the conference championship game. All of the parents are going to be introduced before the game."

"I'm sorry baby," Dad said softly. "I really am. I was never cut out to be a single parent. With my job it's going to be really hard. I didn't count on your mom dying."

"I really miss her," Sarah said sadly.

"I do too," Dad said. "But you're eighteen now, Sarah. You're not a little girl anymore. It's time that you learned how to be a woman. And the most important lesson that you need to learn is to depend on yourself."

"I don't understand," Sarah said.

"It's easy, really," dad said. "Whenever you depend on other people, they'll eventually let you down. I know that I've let you down for the past eighteen years by putting my job first. The one person that you have to depend on is you, nobody else, you. I'm sorry that I can't sugar coat this for you baby. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Sarah did realize what he was saying, all too well. He was telling her that she couldn't depend on him. She nodded as tears began to form in her eyes.

"I do want to tell you how proud I am," he said with a smile. "First team all conference. Wow, that's great. I can't tell you how much I love you. Look at you. You're all grown up."

"Thanks, daddy," Sarah said with her face lit up in a huge grin. "I love you too."

"Just remember, baby," he said as he hugged her tightly. "Never depend on anyone but yourself. You'll only be hurt. That's a lesson you'll need to survive in this world on your own. Do you promise me?"

"Yes, daddy, I promise."

x-x-x-x-x

"So, Sarah," Frank started softly. "Basically your dad was telling you that you couldn't trust anybody, not him, not anybody. Do you think that he was still grieving over your mom dying?"

"Maybe," Sarah said as she nodded. "I never thought about it that way but it makes sense."

"He was an agent," Frank said. "That's sort of how agents are conditioned to think."

"I think that he knew he was in a dangerous line of work," Sarah said sadly. "I wasn't totally sure what he did at the time. I just knew that he worked for the government and was away a lot. But now I realize he was getting me ready to be on my own. He didn't have time to do it gently. He wanted to be sure that I was ready. I understand that he probably wasn't the world's best dad. But he was trying to protect me in the only way he knew."

"Is that why you were drawn to the CIA?" Frank asked gently. "It's the perfect place to be totally on your own. Is that why you were so driven to become the best agent in the whole CIA? I know that your dad was killed on a mission when you were eighteen. You joined the agency right after that. Was your dad getting killed the reason?"

"Actually, Frank," Sarah said without looking up from the floor. "I was recruited at his funeral…"

x-x-x-x-x

It was a sunny; warn spring day as Sarah stood at her dad's grave site. She was wearing a conservative dark blue dress. Since the day was sunny, her sunglasses seemed appropriate. Sarah held the flag that the Marine in his full dress blues had just handed her. She honestly had no clue what she was supposed to do with it. It was the flag that just moments ago had been draped over his coffin.

Since Sarah was an only child and her mother had passed away a couple of years ago, there was not much family. Her mother had two brothers and Sarah had three cousins but since they lived out of state, they were never close. Sarah had some friends from school that came to the funeral but none of them came to the grave site. For the life of her, Sarah couldn't figure out why there were so many people at the ceremony that she didn't know. And why did a Marine pick her up at her house in a limo? After all, her dad just worked for the government. One by one, the people in the blue suits drifted away leaving Sarah standing alone silently. Her Marine driver was standing at attention by the car waiting for her. Sarah had told herself before the day started that she would not cry but that was honestly becoming a challenge. So Sarah stood alone fighting to hold back tears when a man in a dark blue business suit walked up to her.

"Hi, Sarah," the man said with a smile. "My name is Jim. I worked some with your dad. Mind if I talk to you for a minute?"

Sarah wasn't really in a mood to talk. But she didn't want to be completely rude. "Suit yourself," she answered sullenly without looking up.

"I'm sorry about your dad," Jim said with a smile. "He was a good man."

The good man who just up and died leaving his only daughter totally alone? That good man? "Was he?" Sarah asked, making little effort to keep the sarcasm from her voice.

If Jim took any offense at her tone he didn't show it. His smile remained relaxed. "Of course," he said. "Tell me Sarah, what are your plans now? I mean you just graduated from High School. You really don't have any family to speak of. Would you consider following in your dads footsteps?"

That was the very, very last thing that Sarah expected him to say. "What would the government want with me?" Sarah asked in surprise.

"Don't sell yourself short, Sarah," Jim said. "I've been doing some checking. You're very bright. You're a super athlete. You just made all-conference in basketball, right? And you've really blossomed into quite a beautiful young lady. I'm sure that the government will have no problem using your skills."

Jim's calling her beautiful raised Sarah's alarms. She never though of herself as beautiful. She was much more comfortable in gym clothes playing basketball than in a dress. "What would I have to do?" she asked slowly.

"Don't worry." Jim replied soothingly. "You'll be thoroughly trained. Sarah, I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime. You'll get to serve your country and the greater good. But you'll also get to see the world and have exciting experiences that a normal person never does. You'll get to follow in your dad's footsteps. Who knows, someday you might even get to avenge his death. Wouldn't you like that?"

He was painting a very attractive picture. And it wasn't like she had any other plans. Sarah very slightly nodded as she met Jim's eye for the first time.

"I'll tell you what," Jim said confidently. "You spend some time and think about what I'm offering you. I'll come by your house tonight and answer any questions you have. I assume you'll be alone?"

Sarah nodded sadly. Who else would be there? She was all alone.

"Okay," Jim said. "I'll be by around ten."

Suddenly this seemed too easy. She knew that she should question him. But she also didn't want to blow this by offending him. "Can I see some ID?" she finally asked cautiously. "I've never seen you before. How do I know you're really from the government?"

If Jim was offended, he didn't show it. "No problem," he said. Then he showed Sarah his ID. It sure looked official enough. It had his picture. It didn't have any specific agency identified, just like her dad's.

"Satisfied?" Jim said with a grin.

Sarah just nodded sheepishly.

"Good," Jim said as he got up to leave. "It's going to be very important that you trust me. Really think this over, Sarah. I'm offering you a life changing opportunity. It's not going to ever be offered again."

x-x-x-x-x

When Jim knocked on Sarah's door right at ten o'clock, she was actually grateful. She wasn't looking forward to spending that first night all alone in her big house.

"Hi Sarah," Jim said cheerily as she let him in to the house. "Have you thought about my offer?"

Sarah probably should have been a little coyer. But she just couldn't hide her excitement. "It's all that I've been thinking about." she said. "How is this going to work?"

"It's good that you're excited, Sarah," Jim said with a laugh. "The first three months you will be in basic training. You'll be taught how to protect yourself and how to use weapons. Then, depending on how well you do, you'll get some advanced training. That advanced training will depend on what they determine your skills are and what they need at the time."

"That sounds great," Sarah said. "Where do I sign?"

"If you pass my test, I'll take you to the office tomorrow and we'll get you all signed up," Jim said in a matter of fact tone.

"Test?" Sarah asked in surprise.

"Don't worry," Jim said. "I have no question but that you'll pass with flying colors. You have everything that it takes. But I'm sticking my neck out for you here Sarah. If you let me down, it's going to cost me. Let's be clear about something. You're not joining the Girl Scouts. You're going to be asked to do some things that you normally wouldn't even consider doing. You're going to be asked to make some serious personal sacrifices for the common good. Things like personal modesty have no place in an agent's life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm ready." Sarah said firmly. "I really want this."

Jim made no effort to hide the fact that he was now checking her out as overtly as young Sarah had ever been checked out in her life. "One of the main things that a female agent has to learn," he said with a calm smile. "Is how to use your good looks as a weapon. You're a beautiful woman, Sarah. It's simply a fact of life that men melt when confronted with that beauty, especially when it's used properly. You're going to need to learn how to seduce men that you've never met. It will save your life. Are you up for that? You're not going to turn bashful on me are you?"

"I'm going to do what I have to do." said Sarah firmly.

"Good," Jim said with the smile of victory. "In that case, I think that it's time for your first lesson. Do you think that you could smile and take off your clothes for me?"

At first Sarah wasn't sure that she heard him correctly. "My clothes?" she asked."

Jim's calm smile never wavered. "Of course," he said. "You have to learn to be sexy."

Sarah hesitated. "I don't know what to do," she said.

"I know," Jim said as he loosened his tie and sat on the couch to watch. "We have to work on that. It's a mandatory skill for agents. You're very lucky I'm here to train you. Why don't you just start with taking off your clothes? Slowly. When you're finished with that, don't worry. I have some other things to teach you."

x-x-x-x-x

Frank was making no effort to conceal the anger in his voice. "So," he said. "Let me get this straight. He recruited an innocent eighteen year old schoolgirl at her father's funeral and then exploited her grief, excitement over a new opportunity, and just plain naivety to get her into bed that very day? Who is this guy? Is he still with the agency? I'd like to have a little chat with him… and his superiors."

Sarah was honestly touched that Frank would be so angry in her behalf. It was sweet. "No, he's been dead for a couple of years," Sarah said with a sad smile. "Don't worry about me. I'm long over it. It was a long time ago. I guess I deserved it for being so stupid. He didn't make me do anything that I haven't done on missions."

Frank nodded sadly. "They ask far too much from you ladies," he said. "No wonder I'm so busy picking up the pieces."

"It's kind of funny," Sarah continued. "When I told Bryce this story, he didn't have a problem with what Jim did to me. He said that Jim was smart, that he just took advantage of a situation to get what he wanted. Bryce said that he would have done the same thing. He laughed at me for being so naive."

"What did Chuck say when you told him?" Frank asked curiously.

"I've never told Chuck," said Sarah with a smile. "But I already know how he would react. First, he would get all sweet and worry if I was okay. Then he would want to hunt Jim down and hurt him… like you just did. I didn't think that therapists were supposed to get emotionally involved. Thank you for that. It was sweet."

For the first time in the two days that Sarah had known him, Frank looked uncomfortable, embarrassed even. "And why haven't you told Chuck?" he asked more to change the subject than anything. "It sounds like he would be very supportive."

"I didn't want to rub his face in the fact that here is the story of yet another guy that I've had sex with who isn't named Chuck," Sarah said sadly.

"Don't you think he would understand?" Frank asked. "He seems pretty willing to accept you for what you are."

"He would understand," Sarah said. "Of course he would. I just don't want to hurt him. I won't lie to him but I think it's better if I just don't volunteer that kind of stuff. Besides, he shouldn't have to understand about the things I'm forcing him to, should he?"

Frank ignored her question, for now anyway. "You know," he said. "I actually think that it's better to get these sorts of issues out in the open. It might make Chuck feel closer to you that you trusted him enough to understand. There are legitimate reasons why you're asking him to understand. It might help him a little to feel like his sacrifice was part of something larger. And in any event, if you're really going to have a meaningful relationship with Chuck you're going to have to work out your different views on sex."

"Maybe you're right," Sarah said disgustedly. "Bryce was sure right about one thing. It was a very valuable lesson. I was so stupid. You can't trust anybody. My dad was right. The only person that you can depend on is yourself."

Frank looked at Sarah thoughtfully for a full minute. Finally he spoke. "Does that include Chuck?"

Sarah just sat and stared straight ahead blankly. Frank waited patiently not wanting to interfere with her thoughts. After a couple of minutes the tears started to form in her eyes.

"Oh my God," Sarah whispered, more to herself than to Frank. "That's it. If I tell Chuck that I'm in love with him, I'll have to start depending on him. I'll have to make myself vulnerable to him. That's it, isn't it?"

"Congratulations, Dorothy, you're officially back in Kansas," Frank said softly with a smile. I'm really very proud of you, Sarah. You figured this out in less than two days. I think that may be a record."

"Thanks," Sarah whispered through her tears.

"But the real question," Frank continued. "Is what are you going to do with that knowledge? You love Chuck. But do you love him enough to start depending on him? Do you trust him enough to know that he won't betray you? That he's not using you like Jim and Bryce did? That he won't die and leave you alone like your mom and dad? Or are you better off continuing to be on your own, like you promised your dad? Not having to risk ever being devastated by someone again."

"Why are you trying to talk me out of this?" Sarah demanded. "I thought you were rooting for him?"

"This isn't about me," Frank quickly said. "This is about you. Whatever it is that you truly want, that's what I'm rooting for."

"I really love him, Frank," Sarah said as she struggled to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I know that I do."

"I know that you do," Frank said. "That's no longer in question. But this isn't about that. This is about you, how you see yourself as a person. Can you really see yourself as half of Chuck and Sarah? That's what is required for a healthy lifetime relationship. At the end of the day, is that love going to be enough?"

Sarah just stared, not trusting herself to speak without breaking down. Finally she whispered, "It has to be. I don't have any choice. I can't picture my life without him."

"Well the timing couldn't be any more perfect." Frank said with a smile. He picked up the phone. "Janice," he said. "Could you please send him in?"

The door opened and he walked in wordlessly.

When Sarah looked up in shock, she was looking directly into the eyes of one Charles Irving Bartowski.

x-x-x-x-x


	4. Couple's Therapy

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_One thing that I should have mentioned is that BrickRoad always yells at me (I choose to take it as constructive criticism, lol) about having Sarah cry too much. So she is going to wince (since I can't see her face, I can only assume she's wincing) at most of this. But in my defense, Sarah just had a nervous breakdown. She's being forced to deal with all the traumatic things that have happened to her in her life with a therapist who isn't letting her slide on anything. A few tears seem appropriate._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

Couple's Therapy

x-x-x-x-x

For a long moment, Sarah just sat and starred at Chuck standing there with that silly grin on his face, unable to believe that he was really there.

Finally Frank couldn't wait. "My goodness, Sarah," he said with a smile. "You've been crying for two days about how much you miss him. Why don't you give him a hug?"

Suddenly Sarah was in Chuck's arms. Words were not necessary. In fact they would have been a distraction. They both were hugging so tightly that breathing was becoming an issue but neither seemed to notice.

"I've been so worried about you," Chuck finally said without loosening his grip. "How are you doing? Are you feeling better?"

"I've missed you so much." Sarah replied softly.

"If you two could please hold that thought," Frank interrupted softly. "Chuck, Sarah has made some amazing progress. We can maybe even see the light at the end of the tunnel. But we still have some work to do. I'm convinced that you're the key to Sarah's mental health. That's why I asked you to come."

Chuck and Sarah were still in their embrace. But it had lost most of its earlier desperate intensity. Both had loosened the death grip. Now it was more loving. Sarah had her head buried in Chuck's chest while he rubbed her back gently. As Sarah sighed contentedly, Frank was busy setting up a partition that divided the couch down the middle. The partition extended for a couple of feet in front of the couch.

"I hope you don't mind taking seats on the either side of the couch," Frank said. "It's designed so that you won't be able to see each other."

Responding to Sarah's pleading look, Frank smiled. "Don't worry, Sarah," he said. "He'll only be a foot away from you."

Sarah reluctantly released him with a sigh. As they broke their embrace and took seats on opposite sides of the partition, Frank spoke to them. His grin was plainly evident.

"I'm not sure if you'll notice this," he said. "But I'm really looking forward to this. Since I've been working as a CIA therapist for the past ten years, I don't get the opportunity to work much with couples. As you might imagine, the CIA frowns on couples. But anyway, here are the ground rules for this session. I'm going to be very strict about enforcing them. At no time are you to speak directly to each other. You can only speak to me. It may sound silly at times, but it's for a reason and it's important. Do you understand?"

Both Chuck and Sarah nodded their heads in agreement.

"Yes," Chuck added.

"Now, Chuck," Frank said soothingly. "Since you and I have never worked together before, I want to make sure that you know what to expect. This session is going to be worthless, or even worse than that if you're not going to be completely honest. I'm going to ask you to talk about some things that you're instincts are going to tell you to try and hide. But you need to be completely candid. This can be a great tool but you can't worry about being embarrassed or hurting Sarah's feelings. That would defeat the purpose. If you're angry, say so. If you're embarrassed or hurt, say so. We'll deal with those feelings as they come up. And, just so you know, I'm not going to let you get away with hiding your true feelings anyway. Do you understand?"

Chuck clearly wasn't enthusiastic. But he just as clearly wanted to help. So he nodded his head in affirmation. "Yes, Frank," he said. "I'll do my best."

"Good," said Frank clearly enjoying himself. "Let's start off with a test question. This really isn't about the therapy. It's more an exercise in being candid. Chuck, describe the last sexual fantasy that you had that included Sarah."

Chuck's face immediately tuned about five shades of red. "Oh, Frank, umm, I'm not sure…" he stammered.

Frank's laugh broke most of the tension. "Come on, Chuck," he said. "You should know that I'm not going to let you get away with that. This is exactly what I was talking about. This isn't the place to be embarrassed. You say that you want to help Sarah? Well it's put up or shut up time. You're really going to sit there and tell me that you've never fantasized about Sarah sexually? If that's true I'm afraid we might be wasting our time here. I also think that you're talking to the wrong therapist. Maybe I should refer you to a sexual orientation specialist. Now hurry up or I'll make you describe your last sexual fantasy that didn't include Sarah."

Chuck didn't know if Frank was kidding about that or not. And he sure as hell didn't want to find out. "Okay," he quickly said with a huge sigh. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you? I was sort of daydreaming while I was sitting in the waiting room a few minutes ago. Sarah may not have had many clothes on in my daydream. We were in her hotel room. She was thanking me for saving her life. She was being quite creative in expressing her appreciation. Is that good enough or do I really have to describe her creativity in detail?"

"No," said Frank with a smile. "I think I can guess that part. That will do for the moment."

Frank turned to Sarah who had a huge grin on her face. "I see that you're enjoying this," he said.

"I really am," Sarah replied with a twinkle in her eyes while trying hard not to laugh. "Very much. I think that it's sweet. He saved my life? That would require a pretty big thank you, huh? I'm dying to know what he would consider creative. Maybe we can circle back and talk about that in more detail later. For now why don't you ask him if I took my own clothes off or did he help a little?"

"That's funny," Frank said with a chuckle or his own. "But turn about is fair play, don't you think? Why don't tell me about the last time you fantasized about Chuck?"

Suddenly the grin disappeared. After a moment Sarah sighed. "Okay," she said softly. "It was last night in bed. I was thinking about what could have happened that day after we got home from the beach. I think about that a lot, almost every night actually and what if I hadn't been such an idiot. And neither of us was wearing any clothes… any of the times."

Now it was Chuck's turn to have a huge grin.

"I see that you're enjoying that as well," Frank said.

"Well, Frank," Chuck said while maintaining his huge grin. "Since it's the first time I've ever heard her say anything remotely like that, I'm more than enjoying it. I'm sort of stunned by it. Do you think you could have her say it again? Oh, and before I forget, sometimes I help her take her clothes off but most times she puts on a little show for me. She's an amazing dancer. So right now, I'm definitely leaning towards the show."

"Cute," Frank said as they all shared a laugh.

"But could you hold those thoughts for a while?" Frank asked. "I want to get back to that a little later. Chuck, first I want to tell you a story and get your reaction. Sarah, I'm going to tell him a summary of the story about Jim. Is that okay with you?"

Sarah didn't respond for a long moment. "If you say so," she finally said sadly after a moment's pause.

"Good," Frank said. "Chuck, this is about the agent that recruited Sarah into the CIA. His name was Jim and he approached her about joining the agency at her dad's funeral. That same night, Jim exploited her into sleeping with him by pretending that it was part of her training. How does that make you feel?"

Chuck stood from his seat in anger. "What!" he exclaimed. "That's awful. Sarah, are you okay?"

"Chuck," Frank said firmly. "Please only talk to me."

"I'm sorry, Frank," Chuck said as he clenched his fists. "But that story drives me a little crazy. How can I help her? Why hasn't she ever told me this? He exploited her on the same day as her dad's funeral? I think that might possibly be the scummiest thing I've ever heard. She must have been hurting. She must have felt so alone."

When Frank glanced at Sarah her smile very clearly said I-told-you-so.

"Calm down, Chuck," Frank said. "I think that Sarah is fine."

Chuck sat back down and looked at the partition like he was trying to see through it. "Okay," he said. "But I have to do something. We need to find this Jim guy and teach him a lesson. Or, at least, I need to help Sarah find him and hurt him. Maybe the intersect knows where he is. What's his last name?"

Frank glanced at Sarah again. Her I-told-you-so smile had turned into a broad grin.

"Don't worry, Chuck," Frank said. "I think he's already dead."

"Did Sarah kill him?" Chuck asked with a smile.

Sarah couldn't hold in her laugh.

"I don't think so," Frank said with his own chuckle. "Sarah, did you kill him?"

"No," Sarah answered while still trying to contain her laughing. "I didn't kill him. He was killed in Iraq trying to get intel about a terrorist group. I think that it's very sweet that Chuck is worried about me. But I'm fine, really. It was a long time ago and I've used the experience as a valuable lesson. If anything, I'm sort of embarrassed that I was so gullible."

"But why wouldn't she tell me about this before today?" Chuck asked softly. The pain in his voice was clear. "I love her. I want to help her deal with these kinds of issues. Even if it's just to listen and give her a hug, I want to be there for her. Isn't that what loving someone means?"

This time it was Frank's turn to flash the I-told-you-so smile in Sarah's direction.

"Chuck's right," Sarah said softly. "I should have told him about it. He could have made me feel better about it. He makes me feel better about everything. I'm just not used to having someone in my life that I can share that kind of personal stuff with. I'm sorry now that I didn't. I just didn't want to rub his face in the idea of me sleeping with another man. I was afraid that it would hurt him. That happens too much already."

"So, Chuck," Frank said. "Does it hurt you that Sarah slept with another man?"

Chuck took a moment to consider the question. "Well," he said sadly. "I don't know about hurt, but I am sure jealous."

Sarah's pensive smile quickly faded only to be replaced by a look of concern.

"Why would you be jealous?" Frank asked softly.

Again Chuck took his time. "I don't know," he finally said slowly. "I mean I know that I have absolutely no right to be jealous. Even if she ever happened to be in love with me, this was way before we had even met. Look, it's just that I've seen Agent Walker work with men, far more than my share. I've had to watch it over and over. She seems very willing to use her umm, for lack of a better term, charms to get close to men. And I'm fairly sure this is not a recent development. There are probably other times over the years that I'm not aware of. And that's her job. I get that. It's something that I'm just going to have to accept about her. It's a sacrifice that she's made for the greater good."

Frank nodded to let Chuck know that he understood.

"But here I am," Chuck continued. I'm totally head over heels in love with her. She's the most important thing in my life. There is literally nothing that I wouldn't do for her. I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with her proving that if she would just let me. You'll never know what I would give to be able to hold her in my arms and physically express my love to her. How I would cherish that. But I've never been given that chance. Yet, here is another example of some other guy getting casual sex. And I'm not looking for casual sex. That's not what I'm saying. I always looked at those guys and even though I knew she didn't feel anything for them, I always envied them. They were so lucky. They were getting something that I wanted so badly. I wanted it so badly that I ached. I'm sorry. I know that it's not her fault. But I guess it does hurt a little."

Frank glanced at Sarah and noticed her trying to blink away the tears filling her eyes. He pressed on. "Why do you think that you haven't had the chance?" he asked.

Chuck's demeanor visibly changed. His shoulders slumped and he collapsed back into his seat. "It's rather obvious," he said with tears starting to form in his own eyes. "Isn't it, Frank? What other conclusion could one draw? She loves her job, considers it her life. She'll do anything that it requires. She doesn't love me. I don't compare to that. She's not at that place. And let's be honest. She'll probably never be there. I don't know what to do about that. I'm pretty helpless. There's no way I can compete with the greater good."

Now Sarah's demeanor visibly changed to match Chuck's. Her shoulders were now also slumped.

"Sarah," Frank said softly. "I can see that you're emotional. But how does what Chuck just said make you feel? Is he right?"

Sarah took a moment to gather her composure. "No," she eventually said. "He's not right at all. How does it make me feel? It makes me feel like finding a hole someplace, crawling inside it, and crying for two days."

"But how can you say that?" Frank asked. "You're willing to use sex to do your job, right? I mean, can't you see what Chuck is saying? You're willing to have sex with some terrorist you've never met, but not this great guy who fiercely loves you?"

"That's not even the main issue," Chuck added sadly. "Sex is just the symbol. I understand about that. I could even live without sex. I've told Sarah that I love her several times. She has never said it back once. The only conclusion I can come to is that she doesn't love me."

Sarah had reached her breaking point. She sat up and threw the tissue she was holding to the floor in frustration. "Okay," she snapped angrily. "I get it. What do you want me to say? That I've been treating Chuck like crap? That I've let him twist in the wind, just giving him enough hope to keep him on the hook? That I've constantly rubbed his face in the fact that I openly flirt and even more with every man we run across on a mission while giving him nothing? Is that what you wanted to hear? Well I have done all of those things. I think that everybody gets that. But do you think that I'm at all happy about it? That I'm not ashamed of taking this wonderful man and treating him so poorly? I don't think we're taking into account how important my job is… or how hard it is. When I screw up governments fall, people lose their freedom, others lose their life. And I'm not some whore. What we're talking about has only happened to that extent a few times. And I refuse to feel badly about it. I've stopped terrorists from getting nuclear weapons. I've broken drug cartels."

Frank didn't respond. He just allowed her to rant.

Sarah took a long moment to compose herself. "Look, it's true that I've been willing to use sex for the job," she finally said sadly. "That's what I've been trained to do. It's the main weapon a female agent has. And in the couple of times I've done it, I didn't feel anything for the man. I'm sorry that this is hurting him, more than I can say. But can't you see, that's why I couldn't let myself be with Chuck until I could tell him that I love him. I want my first time with Chuck to be special. I want it to be real. For the first time in my life, I want it to actually mean something."

"Come on, Sarah," Chuck said angrily. "Are you going to sit there and claim that you never had meaningful sex with Bryce? And sex is the minor thing here. Tell me that you've never told him that you loved him. That you don't love him more than me?"

"Chuck, please," Frank said firmly. "You can only talk to me." Then he nodded to Sarah to continue.

"Okay, Frank," Sarah said with a sigh. "I guess he's right. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I didn't enjoy some of the times with Bryce. I guess at some level I did. I'm not a machine. And yes, Bryce has heard me say the words. But I was lying to him. I didn't realize it at the time but I didn't love him. I didn't understand that until I learned what love is. Chuck couldn't possibly be more wrong about Bryce if he tried. I've never had an experience in my life that is going to mean anything like my first time with Chuck would. That's exactly why it hasn't happened. I'm not ready. I'm too afraid that I'll mess it up. And if he thinks that he's been looking forward to it, I'd have to say that I'm looking forward to it twice as much. I only hope he can understand that."

"But what would you say about the bigger issue?" Frank asked gently.

"I know," Sarah said with a sigh. "He's absolutely right about that too. I've listened to him tell me how much he loved me time after time and just looked at him like an idiot. I knew damn well what he wanted to hear. I even desperately wanted to say it. I just couldn't get the words past my lips. I don't blame him for feeling the way he does. It's true that I've never been able to tell Chuck that I love him using words. I think that you've helped me work through that. But it just breaks my heart to hear him say so plainly that he has doubts about how I feel about him. I always hoped that he knew somehow how I feel about him. But he clearly doesn't. It's a wonder that he doesn't hate me."

Frank turned to Chuck. "Why don't you hate her?" he asked. "I'm curious about that. Why haven't you moved on? I mean, if you don't think that she loves you and she makes you constantly watch her flirt and more with other men using her job as an excuse. Why do you still want her?"

Chuck's answer was quick, and it came with a smile that belied the mood in the room. "I have no choice," he said. "You don't know her like I do. She's so amazing. I'm too helplessly in love with her. The truth is that I'm grateful for what I do have. I'm sorry if I'm making her question that. And yes, I'd like more. I'll not try and pretend otherwise. But I'll wait forever if that is what it takes. I think I could even live with her doing her job if I only knew for sure how she felt. Moving on would mean giving up. And that scares me. It just isn't an option for me. The only way I'm leaving is if she tells me to go away."

There was a long pause in the room. "Frank," Sarah finally said. "Please let me talk to Chuck."

"It's better for right now if you just talk to me," Frank said firmly.

"Please," Sarah pleaded. "You're the one who is always saying that I'm the one who has to decide. Well, I just realized something. You're wrong. I don't have to decide. There really was never a decision to make, was there? I've been so stupid. I honestly feel foolish. I've wasted so much time, been tied up in so many knots. Look at me. Here I am sitting next to the most wonderful man in the world. And instead of sitting on this amazing man's lap creatively showing him how much I love him, I'm sitting on the other side of this stupid, stupid, stupid partition. I'm hurting him, Frank. He's stuck by me and loved me, getting almost nothing in return for far too long. I need to tell him how sorry I am. He doesn't deserve to be hurt. He deserves to know that he'll always be the love of my life. He needs to know how much I depend on him, how much I need him, how every single night I go to sleep thinking about what our kids are going to look like. And even when I couldn't say it, I felt it. I can't lose him. Please let me tell him that."

"I'm sorry, Sarah," Frank said with a smile. "Oh, make no mistake. I'm very proud of you. You finally know what you want. Even more impressive, you did this all on your own. It's ironic but sometimes the decisions that don't really need to be made are the hardest ones. But poor Chuck's waited this long. I think he can wait another hour. There is something that you still need to do first before you can give yourself totally to him, the final step in your healing as it were, the last task keeping you from being truly happy. I think that you know what that is. You have someone to forgive before you can forgive yourself. Only then can you ask Chuck to trust you."

Sarah nodded. "One hour," she reluctantly agreed. "Not a second more. He's waited far too long already. He needs to know how I really feel about him. We need to start living our life together. By the way, no offense, but I'm totally done being here."

Frank's smile broadened into a full grin. "I take no offense at all," he said. "You're right. You're actually very healthy. There is no reason in the world why you should continue to be in therapy. I wouldn't worry too much about Chuck. Judging purely by the grin that's currently threatening to break his face in two, I assume he's getting the general idea."

x-x-x-x-x


	5. The Beginning

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_Just a note. For my money this may very well be the most overtly romantic chapter I've ever written. Well, maybe 2nd place behind The Spy Who Loved Me, chapter 17 from Taking One For the Team. Well, maybe The Wingman, chapter 9 from Prodigal Daughter. But that probably doesn't count since it wasn't Chuck and Sarah… and nobody read it anyway, lol._

_I've already told the tale of how this story was inspired by BrickRoad's February Air. Well, the graveyard scene in this chapter is what I pitched to her as the basis for her sequel. After she shot me down, it became the basis for this story. So I guess it worked out. Thanks BR, lol._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

The Beginning

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah had lived in Washington for most of her life. If she had a home town, this would be it. It's where virtually all CIA Agents were based from. She almost literally knew every square inch of the city. So naturally she had been to Arlington National Cemetery far too many times. It was a sad place for her. She mostly associated it with losing a teammate. After all, this is where an agent was buried when they were killed on a mission. She had always avoided her dad's grave.

But as she stood at the entrance with Frank it seemed totally different somehow. The setting sun reflecting off the countless rows of identical white headstones created a calming mood. It was almost spiritual.

Frank turned to Sarah. "Are you sure that you're ready to do this?" he asked with a smile. The question was clearly rhetorical in nature.

"Frank, I've never been surer of anything in my life," Sarah said with an even bigger smile. "I need this. He's the sweetest man in the whole world. I'm the luckiest person in the world. It's about time that I stopped wasting that and got on with it, don't you think?"

"If you're asking your therapist, my answer would have to be that decision is yours alone to make," Frank replied softly. "But if you're asking your friend, then yes, you need to get on with it. You could certainly do a lot worse than Chuck."

"I was asking my friend," Sarah teased. "I thought that we agreed. I no longer have a therapist."

Frank handed Sarah a package. "Well, we have one last bit of business to take care of," he said. "Here are your ID and weapons. I've cleared you for active duty. You are officially reinstated to your current assignment, whatever you personally decide today. Welcome back, Agent Walker."

"Thanks, Frank," Sarah said as she stepped up and threw her arms around his neck. "For everything. I really appreciate it. I owe you big time."

"You're entirely welcome," Frank said as he warmly returned her embrace. "It's so great for me to see a happy ending, especially for two such wonderful people. That's fairly rare in this business. You can repay me by inviting me to the wedding."

Sarah made no move to break the embrace. "I'm sorry, Frank," she said. "But I don't think there's going to be a wedding for you to come to. I'm going to talk Chuck into stopping in Vegas on our way home tomorrow."

"And you seriously think that Chuck is going to go for that?" Frank asked skeptically. "If I was still your therapist, I'd be worried that you might have become delusional. My bet is that he'll insist on giving you a proper wedding. If I'm right, I'll expect an invitation."

"Okay," Sarah said. "You have a deal… if you're right. But I'm warning you. Don't get your hopes up. I'm thinking that I can talk him into almost anything." Then she tightened her hold for a moment and laughed. "Is this okay?" she teased. "I don't want to get you in trouble with your wife. I know how jealous she gets. Do you think that she's monitoring us?"

Frank shared her laugh. "I'll risk it," he teased back. "Maybe it wasn't such a happy ending. I think I may have created a monster here. A cocky Sarah-monster. Now you better get moving or Chuck and Agent Casey are going to be walking up. I only told them to give us ten minutes."

Sarah finally released him and started to walk away. She had taken a few steps when she heard Frank call to her.

"Good luck, Agent Walker. Please be careful out there. Your assignment is still dangerous. I don't expect to ever see you in my office again, at least not in a professional capacity."

Sarah just turned her head and smiled as she continued walking. She walked about a third of the way into the cemetery proper and stopped. She was still visible but well out of earshot when Chuck and Casey walked up.

"Well," said Frank with a smile. "You must be the famous Agent Casey I've been reading so much about."

"Yes, sir," Casey said as he shook Frank's offered hand. "Major John Casey, sir."

"Please, call me Frank."

"Okay, Frank," Casey agreed. "My friends call me Casey."

Chuck looked at him as if he were crazy. "Friends?" he whispered to himself. "Are those the people that you haven't killed?"

"I'm sorry, Casey," said Frank. "I didn't mean to have dragged you to this sad place on your day off."

"I don't get days off," Casey replied. "But even if I did, you don't have to worry about that. This is my favorite place in Washington. It's one of my favorite places in the world."

Chuck's surprise caused him to speak. "It is?" he asked in amazement. "Why?"

Normally Casey would answer a question like that with a sarcastic remark… but not this time. "Well, Chuck," he said softly. "You see all of those rows of headstones? Every single one of them represents someone who has sacrificed their life for the greater good. I hope that someday I'll be honored here. It makes me feel proud and yet humble at the same time. We're free because of this place. This is democracy's hall of fame."

Normally Chuck would have found a way to poke fun at him… but not this time. So he turned his attention back to Frank. "Why are we here?" he asked. "What are we waiting for?"

"Sarah is saying goodbye to her dad," Frank said with a smile. "You see, Chuck, Sarah's dad was an agent killed on a mission when she was eighteen. Sarah has come to realize that maybe she needs to let go of her anger and start living her own life."

"So we're just waiting for her?" Chuck asked. "What happens when she comes back?"

Frank smiled at Chuck's confusion. "No, Chuck," he said. "Casey and I are leaving. You're going to wait for her. You're her life now. Whatever happens to Sarah from this point on is pretty much up to you. I'm leaving her in good hands." Then he turned to Casey. "Casey," he said. "You do realize that Sarah and Chuck are going to be a couple from now on, right?"

Casey shook his head in faux frustration. "It's the worst kept secret in the history of the CIA," he replied with a smirk. "These two have been dancing this dance for a year now. It'll actually be a relief to finally get it out in the open. The tension was starting to be a strain… on everybody."

Chuck glared childishly at Casey while Frank laughed.

"That's very true," Frank said, grinning gleefully. Sarah wouldn't have become his patient-turned-friend had it not been poorly kept. Really, he should thank them for being so cumbersome. If not for that, he'd never have met this group of fiercely loyal individuals, nor would he have remembered exactly why he'd become a therapist in the first place- the simple joy of helping another overcome. He turned from one tall man to the other, so glad to have played a part in happiness of another, for behind that glare on Chuck's face was a quietly haughtiness screaming 'boo yah!' at the Marine. Chuck would take great care of Sarah, of that Frank was certain. "Well, Chuck," he said as he extended his hand. "Good luck. This is what you wanted. I hope you make the most of it. Look after her like I know that you will. She's depending on you. I'll see you at the wedding."

Chuck was clearly confused. "Wedding?" he asked as he shook Frank's hand. "Who's getting married?"

That got a huge laugh. In fact it was some time before Frank could even answer. "Come on, Chuck," he said still laughing. "Everybody says that you are some kind of genius. You haven't figured this out yet? Maybe you should get with the program a little. You're getting married. That's what you want isn't it?"

As Frank continued to laugh at the stunned look on Chuck's face he turned to Casey. "Did I tell you that my best friend is the director of the Smithsonian?" he asked as he led Casey away. "They are currently having an exhibition on the history of firearms. You strike me as the kind of person who would be very interested in seeing that. Maybe if you'd like we could stop and have a celebratory drink on the way, maybe even two. You look like a single malt scotch man to me."

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah had a little trouble finding her dad's grave. After all, the rows and headstones all looked exactly the same. Not to mention that she hadn't been here since the day of his funeral, over ten years ago. She finally had to resort to counting the headstones in his row before she finally found it. There was not another person anywhere close to her.

Sarah really didn't know how to start. It had been so long since she had talked to him… and talking wasn't really either of their strengths anyway. "Hi, Daddy," she finally began softly as she took a big breath. "I've really missed you. I'm sorry that I haven't been here sooner. But I've been really busy."

Sarah paused for a moment. If she was going to do this, if she was truly going to make up with Dad, it had to begin honestly. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she corrected. "That's not really true. The fact is that for a lot of years I was angry at you for dying and leaving me alone. That's probably not really fair, is it? I'm sorry about that. I had to pull some strings to finally get to read your final mission report. It wasn't your fault. You're a real hero. The truth is that I'm very proud of you."

Sarah paused for another moment to gather her composure. "I think that you would be very proud of me too," she continued. "I kept my promise to you. I haven't depended on anybody. And I've become the top agent in the whole CIA. It was really hard but I kept at it. Nobody helped me. I did it all on my own."

"And, Daddy," she said as tears started to fill her eyes. "I'm sorry about some of the things that I've had to do. I know that you wouldn't be proud of them. I'm not proud of them either. There are some things that I'm ashamed that you had to see. But I think that you would understand. You would know that a lot of people have to make tremendous sacrifices for the greater good."

Sarah started to openly sob. "But, Daddy," she said. "I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad. I just can't do it anymore. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm just so tired, Daddy. I've given them everything that I have. I simply don't have anything left."

Sarah stood there sobbing for a few minutes. Finally she composed herself. "I met a man, Daddy," she said. "He's really amazing. He's not like anybody I've ever known before. He knows all about me, the things I've done, how messed up I am, and yet he loves me anyway. Can you believe it? He's the nicest, sweetest man in the whole world."

"You'd really, really hate him," she said with a laugh through her tears. "Well, at first anyway. I think that maybe once you got to know him that you would eventually learn to love him as much as I do."

Sarah wiped the tears from her eyes. "He wants to take care of me," she said with a growing smile. "And, Daddy, I know that I promised you, but I'm going to let him. I trust him. He won't let us down. I'm totally sure of that. It's time that I started living my life."

"So," she continued. "We're going to be living on the west coast. That means I probably won't be back by again for a while. But I promise that I'll come back and introduce you to your first grandchild. Until then, goodbye, Daddy. Say hi to Mom for me. I love you."

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah spotted Chuck right away, standing by the entrance waiting patiently for her. As she walked up to him, she could see the concern written all over his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he reached over gently to brush a tear off of her cheek.

Sarah's smile was positively beaming. "I've never felt better in my life," she said. "Ever, ever. I feel like someone just took a hundred pounds off my back. I'll feel even better in a minute."

Chuck really didn't know what to say. "Umm, that's good," he said. "I take it that your talk went well? What did you talk about?"

Sarah got a little more serious. "I'll tell you all about it," she said. "I promise. But we have something to settle first. You've had to wait far too long. I'm not going to take another breath until you know exactly how I feel about you."

Chuck didn't say anything. His eyes told her to continue.

"I love you," Sarah said softly. "I've loved you for a long, long time. And I'm sorry but even that doesn't sound nearly good enough. Here's the deal, Chuck. I'm head over heels, crazy in love with you. And I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life with you. I can't tell you how sorry I am for making you doubt and hurt for so long. I'm not proud of that. But I promise that I'm going to spend every minute for the rest of my life making sure that you never doubt me again."

Chuck couldn't keep the silly grin from his face. "I love you just as much," he said. "You know that, right?"

Sarah launched herself into Chuck's arms. The force almost knocked them both over. "I do," she said with something of her own silly grin. "I need for you to know something. You stood by me when you didn't have a good reason, when nobody else would. Thank you for that. You've been absolutely incredible, more than anybody could hope to expect. I'm very grateful. But I still need to ask you for one more favor."

"Anything," Chuck said as he gently rubbed her back. "You know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. What is it?"

"I've never asked this of anyone in my whole life," Sarah said softly. "But I really need you to take care of me. I'm depending on you."

Chuck thought of his life so far with Sarah. Barely a single week had passed without some fight to the death with some group of evil doers. It had been challenging to say the least. "I'll do my best," he said hesitantly. "I'm not sure how good I'm going to be with the bad guys. I'm not exactly trained for that."

Sarah smiled at Chuck's offer… and wrapped her arms around his neck even tighter. Chuck clearly misunderstood what she meant. But there was also no question in her mind. He was absolutely telling the truth. If it was needed, he would do his best. He'd eagerly throw himself in front of any threat to protect her, maybe too eagerly. So she relaxed her grip enough to kiss him lovingly. "Actually," she said. "It's probably best if Casey and I continue to take care of the bad guys. In fact I'm going to insist on that even more now than before. No, I need you for something far more important. I need you to take care of the bad dreams."

"Now that I can do," Chuck said as his smile turned into a relieved one.

"You were asking about my talk with my dad," Sarah said with a clear twinkle in her eye. "I asked him for permission for you to ask me to marry you. I told him that I trusted you."

"And what did he say?" Chuck asked with his own twinkle.

"I'll not lie to you," Sarah said with a teasing tone. "He was resistant at first. But I wouldn't take no for an answer. I thought maybe we could stop in Vegas on our way home tomorrow and get married there. Would you like that?"

Chuck paused for a moment. "Don't take this the wrong way," he said. "I can't think of anything better than being married to you. That's for sure. But wouldn't you rather wait a few weeks and have a real wedding."

"Maybe I haven't been totally clear," Sarah said still in her teasing tone. "Wedding night? Vegas? Tomorrow? Are you sure you want to wait?"

Chuck smiled. "Well a lot less sure than I was thirty seconds ago," he teased. "But yes. That way we could have all of our friends and family there. Didn't you dream about your wedding when you were a little girl? Let me give you that dream. I think that every girl deserves to be a bride once, don't you think?"

Sarah thought back to her earlier conversation with Frank. How did he know? Oh, she knew she could talk him into Vegas tomorrow if she really wanted. All it would take is a little creativity. Maybe the sexy strip show he had fantasized about in Frank's office. Or maybe a bedlah and a little belly dancing. In fact even those things wouldn't be necessary. All she would have to do is honestly ask him. He'd do anything to make her happy. But suddenly she was struck by the desire to have a wedding, to stand in front of everybody and brag that she had snagged the greatest man in the world. "That's exactly what Frank said you would say," she said with a faux sigh. "Okay, you win. We'll wait and do it right. You're right. I have dreamed about it. And not just as a little girl. I can't wait to see the look on Ellie's face when we tell her."

"Good," Chuck said. "I guess that means we're engaged, right? I'm really looking forward to telling Ellie too. But if we're going home tomorrow, what are we going to do tonight?"

Sarah did a double take. "If you have to ask that," she said with a teasing smile. "I seriously don't think that you've been paying close enough attention. Did you fall asleep in Frank's office or something? The question is not what. It's how many times. Did I mention that my expectations on this subject are sky high? I mean no pressure or anything but they're probably not reasonable for any human. And just to put this on the table, when I'm disappointed I've been known to get a little cranky. You might want to factor that into your plans to be my husband for the next sixty years or so. We might just have to keep doing it until I'm satisfied. Umm… no pun intended. You might want to ask Ellie for a prescription for some vitamins."

"Wow," Chuck said as he felt the blush creeping up his neck. "That was really stupid, wasn't it? What I really meant was where are we going to be tonight when you're making me do it over until I get it right and you're satisfied? This is your city. Should we get a hotel room? And for the record, I'm looking forward to the next sixty years or so. I'll do everything within my power to meet your high expectations. Get as cranky as you want. And if it's all the same, I think I'll ask Devon for the vitamins."

"We don't have to do that," Sarah said with a laugh as she grabbed Chuck's hand and started to walk, pulling him along. "My, umm, I mean our apartment is a five minute walk from here. There's a big bed. I'm pretty sure that we both can become more than satisfied there. I think you're right. Devon would be a better choice."

Chuck and Sarah walked along the sidewalk swinging their held hands like a couple of teenagers. "I have to tell you," Chuck said. "It's hard to believe this is really happening. This is like my wildest fantasy come true."

"Fantasy huh?" Sarah asked as she nudged her shoulder into Chuck's causing him to stumble a little. "While we're on that subject, I am perfectly willing to get very creative tonight. In fact I think that I sense that a challenge has been thrown down to outdo your daydream in Frank's waiting room this afternoon. You can tell me the details willingly… or I can come up with some interesting ways to get you to talk. Interrogation is my specialty."

"But that was for saving your life," Chuck teased. "I didn't do that."

Sarah got quiet for a moment. "And that's where you're wrong," she sighed. "You did more than just save my life. You were there for me when I had no right to expect it, even when I was acting horribly, when no one else would have been. The least I can do is spend a few nights creatively expressing my appreciation, don't you think? So speaking of fantasies, which are you going for tonight? It's your choice. Are you going to help or do you want the show?"

Chuck reached down and kissed her. "For tonight anyway," he said with a silly grin. "I think whichever is faster."

x-x-x-x-x


	6. The Promise Kept

_This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit._

_So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship._

_Just a note. This is probably the chapter that will change the most from the original story. It covered a lot of ground. Maybe some of that could be told at a calmer pace._

_I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here_

The Promise Kept

x-x-x-x-x

Chuck and Sarah walked hand in hand towards the apartment. Of course, Chuck had never been there, before today didn't even realize that Sarah had an apartment in Washington. With each step that they took Chuck could tell that Sarah was getting a little more tense. Her hand was even starting to sweat. Finally he decided to ask her about it.

"Sarah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she replied but she really wouldn't meet Chuck's eye.

Sarah wasn't a good liar. Well, that wasn't exactly true. She was a trained, expert liar… except when it came to Chuck. "Come on, Sarah," he said softly. "Something's wrong. Tell me."

"Okay," said Sarah as she took a big breath. "I'll tell you. Here's the real deal. I haven't been back here in a while, well over a year. The last time I lived here things were a lot different in my life. We hadn't even met yet. I just remembered that there are some pictures hanging in the apartment that you might not like. They are of Bryce and me on vacation in Cabo."

Chuck looked at her. Fortunately this time she would meet his eye. "Why would that bother you?" he asked. "We can take them down, can't we?"

"Yes," Sarah said with a sigh. "We can take them down. I know that I'm being a little ridiculous. It's just that I wanted this night to be perfect for you. I know that you're pretty sensitive to Bryce. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. But I didn't want anything to spoil this first night. I didn't want to push any reminder of me and Bryce in your face. I'm feeling a little guilty about that as it is. Now virtually the first thing you are going to see is a picture of Bryce and me looking like a couple."

"Come on, Sarah," Chuck said with a small laugh. "I think that you might be underestimating me a little here. For one thing, you and Bryce were a couple. I know that you two were together for a while. You even thought that you loved him. I'm long over that. Of course there would be some evidence of that relationship, right? So what? Besides, how bad can it be? You're fully clothed in all of these pictures, aren't you? Is there a shrine to his manhood in there or something?"

That broke a lot of the tension and Sarah joined his laugh. "No," she replied. "They're not those kinds of pictures. I'm pretty sure Bryce knew that if he ever asked to take that kind of picture the next couple of weeks or so wouldn't be very pleasant for him. He would have gotten very used to sleeping on the sofa. And he took the shrine with him. I think that he has a special suitcase for it."

"That's good to know," Chuck said in a teasing tone. "At least now I know something not to ever ask for. I don't like sleeping on the sofa."

"Two things," Sarah said, mimicking his teasing tone. "First, you're far too bashful to ever ask me for anything like that. We both know it. Second, you're not Bryce. You're at an entirely different level… the level where I can't imagine you honestly asking for something from me and not getting it. Here's a bit of friendly advice going forward. You might want to keep that in mind when you ask me for things. Ever hear the phrase be-careful-what-you-wish-for?"

Chuck was relieved when he heard Sarah's teasing response, very embarrassed, but relieved. "Umm," he said, more to change the subject. "You do realize that I have had a couple of girlfriends in my past? There may be a picture of two floating around someplace as evidence."

"Two more things," Sarah said, still using her teasing tone. "First, do you really think that I'm not aware of and haven't fully investigated this topic? I've already researched the background and current whereabouts of every single girl you've ever dated. And second, just to get this on the table, if you think you're the jealous one between us you haven't seen anything yet. I'm completely prepared to kick the ass of any woman who I see looking at you the least bit provocatively."

Chuck wasn't sure how serious she was being… and he didn't really want to find out. But at least the tension was gone. That lasted for a few minutes. But he noticed she was tense again as she unlocked the door. As soon as they were inside the apartment, Chuck turned to Sarah and grabbed her hands. "Okay, Sarah," he said softly but firmly. "Tell me what's really wrong. Are you having second thoughts?"

Chuck's heart sank as he watched her throw her keys on the table in disgust.

"See," Sarah said in frustration. "I knew that's what you would think. This is all my fault. It's what I have coming to me for treating you so miserably for so long. But let's get one thing straight between us. Maybe this sounds demanding, maybe even a little unfair. I'm giving you a pass this one time but you are never to think that again. Do you understand? Never. I realize that it's taken me far too long to commit to us. You have every right to be angry about that. But I have committed. I wasn't kidding about wanting to get married tomorrow. We're together now and will be for the rest of our lives. I'd appreciate not being questioned on that ever again just like I'll never question your commitment. That's going to be sort of a hot button for me… and I've known to be a little fiery. So fair warning. If you do, we're going to have our first fight as a couple. It's going to be a barn burner. And you're going to lose. Are we clear?"

Chuck looked at Sarah closely. She was clearly only half teasing. "Okay," he said with a smile. "I get your point. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was questioning you. I'm not. I sure don't want to fight, especially if I'm destined to lose. But if that's not the reason then tell me why you're so jumpy."

Sarah paused for a long moment. "I'm scared," she finally said. "I know how stupid that sounds to you. For one thing, I'm not supposed to be afraid of anything. I know that you've been looking forward to this for so long. And so have I. I just don't want to disappoint you. I don't think I can live with that."

Now Chuck was definitely concerned. "Come on, Sarah," he said firmly. "Tell me what's really wrong here. How do you think that you could possibly disappoint me? That's pretty silly. Name me one man you've ever been with whom afterwards said he was disappointed. If you're not up to it, we don't have to do this tonight."

That actually got Sarah laughing. In fact she was laughing so hard that she couldn't talk for a while. "I'm not talking about sex, stupid," she finally said. "I'm thinking in slightly bigger terms. I'm talking about our life together. I've never been a wife before. I've never been a mother before. I don't know how to act in those situations. I've been trained to do a lot of things… but not that."

"Oh," Chuck said with an audible sigh of relief. "I thought…"

"Yea," Sarah said as she started laughing again. "I know what you thought. For the record, I have absolutely no concern about disappointing you when it comes to sex. I'm willing to practice and practice until you're no longer disappointed… or able to speak."

"Wow," Chuck said. "That sounds great… and umm, scary at the same time."

"I know," Sarah agreed as they continued to laugh. "Chuck Bartowski, what am I going to do with you? Seriously. If you think that you're going to walk out of this apartment alive without us making love multiple times, you're just wrong. Terribly, horribly, almost comically wrong. I don't care if Beckman calls with a mission."

"Well then," Chuck said as he joined her laughing. "We'd better turn off our cell phones. Our luck isn't exactly the best. Otherwise we might get a call that messes up the mood."

"I'm way ahead of you," Sarah agreed as she leaned on him and they continued the silly giggling. "That would sure mess up the mood. Even thinking about General Beckman is giving me the willies."

"With my luck, I'll probably fall in the bathroom, hit my head on the tub, and be knocked unconscious," Chuck said while laughing uncontrollably. "I'll be lucky not to wind up brain damaged."

"I think that you should hold off on going to the bathroom until after the first couple of times," Sarah said while giggling as she hugged Chuck. "There's no sense in taking any chances."

After a moment of holding Sarah in his arms, Chuck turned a little more serious. "Don't worry about that other stuff," he said as he softly rubbed her back. "I know that you think you have to be perfect at everything. That's just you. But no one is trained to be a wife or mother. Just like they're not trained to be a husband or father. It's sort of a learn-as-you-go thing. But there is no one in the whole world that I'd rather learn with than you."

"That was very sweet," Sarah said as she reached over to kiss him. "But here's the deal. I want to be perfect at this. You're right, that's kind of who I am. But it's also what you deserve. Because you've been perfect. I feel like I've been letting you down for the past year, like I have some making up to do. So I'm sorry if that bubbles to the surface sometimes or gets in the way. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make you happy. And I'm not just talking about in bed." Then she kissed him again playfully. "But don't misunderstand. It certainly includes in bed."

That got Chuck laughing. "Okay," he said. "I think I get it. Lots and lots of sex." Then he got a little more serious. "Let's make a deal," he said. "The past year has been hard, for both of us. Maybe we can forget about all that uncomfortable history and just enjoy the present."

Their kissing quickly became more passionate, until Sarah finally broke it, grabbed his hand, and led him to the bedroom. "I'm all for forgetting the past," she said as she gently pushed him on the bed. "Starting fresh would be best for both of us. I'm grateful that you're willing to do that. But it's put up or shut up time for me. There is one thing that I just can't let go until I've made it right." Sarah began to slowly unbutton her shirt. "That day after the beach," she said. "I was such a bitch."

"Don't ever call yourself that," Chuck immediately protested. "I'm serious. That's a hot button word for me. Please. You're so not a bitch."

"Okay," Sarah said as her shirt slid to the floor. "That's sweet of you to say. But however you would characterize it, I acted unacceptably that day. I led you on and then shot you down at the worst possible time. I didn't mean for it to happen like that. I had every intention of spending that night in your bed. I thought that I could do it. Trust me, I wanted to. You'll never know how much. That simply wasn't fair of me. I've felt horrible about it since that day. I think about it almost every night. I swore to myself that I would make it up to you as soon as I got the chance. Well, today's that day."

By this time Sarah's skirt had joined her shirt on the floor. After she made a big show of rolling her stockings down she was down to just her bra and panties. Then she sat on Chuck's lap, grinned at the look of amazement in his eyes, and pressed her lips to his. "I don't have a bikini here," she mumbled between kisses as she reached behind her to unclasp her bra and allowed it to slide to the floor. "We'll just have to pretend." Then she took Chuck's hand and guided it to her breast. "Here you are," she whispered between intense kisses. "I think we're fundamentally back to where we left things off that day. So whatever you had planned next, please feel free to proceed. Fair warning. If it wasn't sex, we have a big problem. I'm on fire."

"It wasn't sex," Chuck said. "Not really." Then he responded to her distressed look. "Don't worry," he quickly said. "Frank said that we see sex differently. I know that you want to make up for the past year by seducing me in a ton of creative ways, that somehow exciting sex would pay me back for how you think that you've let me down."

Sarah's face showed her concern. "I'm sorry," she quickly said. "I didn't mean anything…"

That got a laugh. "Oh my God," Chuck quickly interrupted. "Don't apologize for that. That's not what I meant at all. Trust me, I'm looking forward to your creativity more than you can possibly imagine. Please feel free to seduce me anytime you'd like in whatever way you can think of. It's just that I wasn't going for sex that day. I was going for a lot more. I was going for us making love. So that's what I'm going for today."

Sarah nodded. "I'd like that," she said. "I've been dreaming about it forever. But I'm afraid that you're going to have to take the lead this time. It will be a first for me. I don't know what to do."

"I know," Chuck said. "It will actually be a first time for me too. That's what makes it so exciting. Don't worry. We'll figure this out together."

"I'm nervous," Sarah admitted between kisses, her voice no more than a whisper. And indeed, her hands were trembling a bit as she reached over to unbutton his shirt. "I've never felt like this before, not even close. It's incredible."

"I know," Chuck said with a smile. "Incredible doesn't begin to describe it. It's possibly the best, most intense feeling in the world. We're both nervous and on fire, but let's try to relax and just enjoy this, okay? It's the only first time we're ever going to have."

Sarah returned his smile with a nod as she reached down and unbuckled his belt. "I'm still nervous."

"Don't worry," he said as his smile turned into a grin.

"I'll be gentle."

x-x-x-x-x

On the flight home, Sarah snuggled as tightly to Chuck as federal regulations regarding only one person per seat would allow. It was ironic. She had spent the last few months worried that she had set her expectations of Chuck in bed so high that she could only be disappointed. Not only didn't that happen, she was blown away by how different making love was than just sex. Her expectations didn't even come close to how magical that first time was. It was so intense that after a while she couldn't tell where she ended and he began. They were just one. And the rest of the night was pretty special as well. After all, she had committed herself to make sure that he had the most exciting night of his life. Apparently he had made the very same commitment.

Normally Sarah hated the six hour flight across the country. Today was a notable exception as six hours of snuggling didn't seem quite long enough. Casey was on the same flight but had strategically picked a seat well out of sight. In fact, he flew coach to not have to be subjected to the happy couple.

About an hour into the flight the captain began his routine announcement. "Good morning, folks. This is Delta flight eight nine nine six and our destination is Los Angeles International Airport. The current weather there is sunny and sixty eight degrees. We have reached our cruising altitude of twenty eight thousand feet. I'm expecting a smooth ride so I'm going to turn off the fasten seat belt sign. Feel free to move about the cabin with the exception of seat Six B."

Sarah suddenly snapped into agent mode. That was Chuck's seat. She quickly looked around the cabin for possible threats. Chuck continued reading his magazine oblivious to anything being wrong.

"The passenger in seat Six B has asked me to send a message to the passenger in seat Six A," the captain continued. "Sarah, will you marry me?"

As what he was saying sunk in, Sarah turned to Chuck who was holding a box with a diamond ring. He had his normal huge grin on his face. Naturally the plane erupted in raucous applause as Sarah threw her arms around Chuck.

"How did I know that you would come through with something romantic?" Sarah asked as he placed the ring on her finger. "But where did you get this ring? You haven't been out of my sight since you got here."

Chuck wouldn't tell Sarah how he got the ring, telling her, "that's going to be my only secret." Sarah always suspected Casey but every time she asked he would claim ignorance. Naturally, Chuck having a secret from her drove Sarah crazy. She tried on more than one occasion over the years to get Chuck to reveal his secret, even going so far as to dust off some of her seduction training moves. Even though Chuck always enjoyed the attempts, he held firm. Apparently seduction didn't work so well when the guy knew that he was going to get lucky if he spilled the goods or not. So Sarah didn't find out the truth until Chuck toasted her at their silver anniversary party. That's when he finally told the story of his proposal and confessed that he had bought the ring a couple of months before and had been carrying it around with him praying for the chance that finally came.

x-x-x-x-x

Once they arrived in L.A. they went directly to Ellie's. Devon and Ellie had only two weeks to go before their wedding so it was a fairly hectic time. Ellie had asked Sarah to be one of her bridesmaids. Sarah had agreed, how do you turn down a request like that? But she always felt awkward about it, thinking that she really wasn't part of the family and that Ellie had only asked because of Chuck. Chuck and Sarah arrived at the apartment just before Ellie and Devon were due to finish their shifts.

Chuck clearly was in the mood to drag her into his room and continue last night at the apartment, which was pretty impressive when you realize how many practice rounds Sarah made him perform. "Do you think we have time for some of that creative make up sexy seduction stuff you're always promising?" he asked while pulling Sarah in for a quick kiss. Then he reached down and unbuttoned one of her buttons. "I think you may be wearing far too many clothes for what I have in mind."

If Chuck was in the mood, Sarah was several times that. She was clearly having an internal debate about how long a quickie would take. "I'm afraid not, sweetie," she finally sighed with a definite gleam in her eye as she refastened the button. "As much as I admire your enthusiasm, I just saw Ellie's car pull up. But don't worry. When we get back to our hotel room I'll be creative in any way you can dream up including wearing as few clothes as you deem appropriate."

If Chuck was tempted to simply blow his sister off and just head for the hotel, he didn't get the chance.

When Ellie walked in the door, her eyes immediately lit up as she saw Chuck and Sarah. "Hi guys," she said as she hugged Chuck. "How was your trip?"

"It actually went a little better than expected," Chuck replied with a wry grin.

Ellie knew by the looks on their faces that something was up. She just didn't know what exactly. "Did you get your dad's issues taken care of?" she asked as she moved to hug Sarah.

"All but one," Sarah said coyly. "I do need to talk to you about the wedding though."

The color instantly drained from Ellie's face. "Oh no," she said. "Sarah, it's only two weeks away. Please tell me that you can still be in the wedding."

Now Sarah felt guilty for teasing her. So she just held up her left hand. "Oh, don't worry, Ellie," she quickly said. "It's nothing like that. I was just hoping that you might return the favor."

It took a long moment for Ellie to figure out what Sarah was saying. But she finally did. "Oh my God," she whispered to herself as her eyes widened.

Then she really realized what it meant. "Oh my God, Sarah," she said with tears flowing. After a moment she threw her arms around her. "Oh my God, Chuck. Oh my God."

Chuck took great pleasure in poking fun at his sister's excitement. "Since when did you get so religious?" he asked her with a laugh.

Ellie was not to be detoured. "Since I'm going to have a sister," she said excitedly still holding Sarah in her death grip. "We have to go shopping. We have to go to a club. Do you want to go to a movie?"

Sarah really had no choice but to participate in the long embrace. But suddenly she discovered that she was enjoying it as much as Ellie was. "I want to do all of those things," she said softly into her ear as she returned her embrace. "I'm looking forward to it. I've never had a sister either."

Devon was a few minutes behind Ellie. "Look," she shouted to Devon as he entered the apartment. "Sarah's engaged."

Devon smiled at the news. Perhaps he wasn't as enthusiastic as Ellie, but he probably could be forgiven for that. "Congratulations," he said. "I would hug you but you seem to be occupied at the moment. You might want to loosen up the grip a little babe. She looks like she's turning blue. Who are you marrying anyway?"

Responding to Chuck's look, Devon grinned. "I'm just kidding," he quickly said as he put Chuck into a bear hug. "That's awesome."

Naturally once Ellie processed the news, Chuck and Sarah had to do a lot of arguing to talk her out of the idea of a double wedding. Finally they were able to convince her that it was too close to change their plans and that Sarah would feel badly about stealing Ellie's thunder.

But right after Ellie got back from her honeymoon she spent every day with Sarah planning her wedding. Truth be told, Ellie actually enjoyed it more than she did planning her own wedding. Not only was it a great time to bond with her new sister, the pressure of her own wedding was off.

Finally the big day arrived.

For rather obvious reasons, Sarah didn't tell Chuck that she really didn't care for Morgan all that much. It wasn't that she hated him or anything. The fact of the matter is that they were both a little jealous of the affection that Chuck clearly had for the other. But even Sarah had to admit that Morgan actually looked surprisingly good in his tux. Anna wasn't exactly attracted to the tuxedo wearing crowd. And perhaps she wasn't in the best mood anyway. Putting on a dress suitable for attending a wedding held inside a church wasn't high on her list of good times. But even with that she really made no attempt to hide the fact that she was clearly looking forward to unwrapping this bearded present that fate had delivered to her sometime later this evening.

Naturally, his main function as best man was to keep Chuck from hyperventilating and to keep assuring him that Sarah would actually show up. And for rather obvious reasons he didn't share this with Anna, but this was one of the days he had dreamed about since he was a teen. Today he was going to walk down the aisle with Ellie. If he was at all disappointed that she was just beginning to show a little from being three months pregnant, he did a good job at hiding it.

Other than Chuck, of course, the most nervous of all the wedding party had to be Casey. And actually Casey grudgingly was starting to admit that he was enjoying being part of a family. He was even obviously very moved when Sarah asked him to walk her down the aisle. But today he was a wreck. It was funny that the man who could face flying bullets without fear was so unnerved. Naturally Morgan spent the day amusing himself by taunting Casey with all of the different ways he could screw up.

Chuck stood in the vestibule of the church greeting guests as they arrived with Morgan by his side. Chuck was very surprised to meet General Beckman's husband. He had always pictured a small, henpecked man… with a nervous tic. He was actually tall and quite handsome. It was the first time he had ever seen the general out of uniform.

"In plain dress," Sarah would later correct him giggling. "If you ever see her out of uniform, I fear that we'll be visiting Frank again. Only this time it will be you on the coach. And that wasn't her husband. She's not married. He's a rather famous agent who she's been rumored for years to have had a thing with. Frankly, I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes. I still can't believe that she would actually come to a public event with Roan Montgomery."

Director Graham and his wife showed up a few minutes later. Chuck noted with a fair amount of amusement that the general and director sat on opposite sides of the church, about as far away from each other as they could possibly be. Finally Frank and his wife arrived just minutes before the ceremony.

"Well, Chuck," Frank said with a big smile as they hugged. "I see that you won. I thought that you would insist on a real wedding."

"You don't actually win with Sarah," Chuck corrected him with a laugh. "We compromised. We're going to spend a couple of nights in Vegas. Then we're going to Washington and spend the rest of our honeymoon in Sarah's apartment."

"Give me a call if you get the chance," Frank said. "I know that you're going to be busy, it being your honeymoon and all, but we would love to take you to dinner."

"I'll talk to Sarah." Chuck replied. "But I'm sure she'll be excited."

x-x-x-x-x

In the bride's dressing room, Ellie was trying to calm Sarah's nerves. That was no easy task since Sarah was really anxious. Just like Casey, here was a person who had faced scores of men shooting at her without breaking a sweat. But she was now clearly on the edge of panic. She asked Ellie what time it was about one thousand times. Finally, Ellie decided to tell Sarah a story to calm her down.

"I'll never forget that day when Chuck came home from Stanford," Ellie said softly, hoping that her voice was soothing. "He had just found out about Bryce and Jill. I could tell that he was down but he wasn't crying. He just had sort of a distant look in his eyes. Then he whispered, "what's wrong with me", more to himself than to me. I told him that Jill just wasn't the one. I told him that the one was still out there somewhere and there was no telling how he would find her. I told him that the only thing to do was to keep looking. That the one was out there somewhere looking for him as well and if he stopped looking for even a moment, he might miss her."

"So thank you," Ellie said as she hugged Sarah as tightly as she could without messing up the look that they had worked all morning on. "Thank you for looking for him until you found him."

"I have to tell you something," Sarah said as they hugged. "I know that I'm nervous. But it has nothing to do with marrying Chuck. I don't want you to think that. I couldn't possibly be looking forward to this any more than I am. I'm excited to join your family, to have a sister. I just don't like to be the center of attention."

Ellie tightened her grip a bit. "Not half as excited as we are to have you," she said.

They stayed in their embrace for a few minutes. Finally when Sarah asked again about the time, Ellie responded, "Oh my goodness, it's show time."

"I have no idea what that means," Ellie quickly confessed with a laugh in response to Sarah's amazed look. "Chuck told me to say that. I'll see you in a minute, sis."

As Ellie left to take Morgan's arm and walk down the aisle, Casey turned to Sarah. "I know that this is a dad thing," he said softly. "And I know that I'm not your dad. The last thing that I want is to say some icky sweet thing that is going to make us lose our lunch. But I do want you to know how proud I am of you. Not only that, how happy I am for you. You found out what you wanted and made it happen. No one deserves this more than you two kids."

"Thanks, John," Sarah said as she hugged him… for perhaps the first and last time. "Don't get me crying or I'll mess up my makeup."

They could hear the classic music start playing. "Well," Casey said as he extended his arm. "Like the lady said; it's show time."

As Sarah and Casey were walking down the aisle, Morgan was stunned at how beautiful she was. So there was time for maybe one last barb. "How did you get so lucky?" he whispered to Chuck.

Chuck considered the question without taking his eyes off of Sarah for a second. "I have no idea," he finally replied.

But it was Casey who had the best line of the day when the preacher asked, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

If Casey was nervous before, that was long gone now. He made sure that the entire church could hear his answer.

"The greater good."

There were only nine people in the church that day who understood what Casey meant. Everyone else just thought that he was nervous and misspoke. But all nine who did understand were deeply moved. After all, it was so very true. Casey could tell by the look in Chuck's eyes and the almost imperceptible nod that he was one of the nine.

Isn't it funny how love works? A year ago you couldn't possibly have picked two people that the world would say were less suited for each other. Chuck Bartowski was the shy underachieving nerd who repaired computers for eleven dollars an hour. Sarah Walker was the beautiful but cold and deadly super spy who thought that love was for suckers. But today none of that mattered. At the alter it was simply Chuck and Sarah, two lovesick people taking the next step in their storybook love affair that had begun almost exactly a year ago. They held hands as they said their vows to each other and became husband and wife.

x-x-x-x-x

It was a warm early spring day at Arlington National Cemetery. The Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom and the city looked glorious. Since the cemetery was a famous tourist attraction, a young couple holding hands as they pushed a baby in a stroller was not uncommon at all. Like most six month old babies, she was far more interested in the toys hanging from her stroller and not at all impressed by the majesty of the shrine. Her father spent a second to make some playful faces at her before he picked the baby up out of the stroller. Like most babies are wont to do when daddy picks them up, her eyes lit up in recognition and she smiled. Before her father handed the smiling baby to her mother he took a moment to kiss then both lovingly.

"I'll be right back," Sarah said with a broad smile.

"I'll be waiting," Chuck replied with an equal smile.

Sarah made her way to her dad's gravesite. As usual, she had to count the headstones to find the right one.

"Hi, Daddy," she said clearly. "I'm back. Remember, I promised to bring you your first grandchild?"

There may have very well been tears in Sarah's eyes as she held the baby facing the headstone. But this time they were definitely of the happy variety. Why wouldn't she be happy? Her life was simply perfect. Perfect husband, perfect daughter, perfect life. And the funny thing was that every day it got a little better. And best of all, that trend showed no sign of ending anytime soon. "Well, Daddy," she said.

"This is our Kate."

The End

x-x-x-x-x

_I hope you enjoyed this retelling. I wrote that last scene some four years ago. But it just struck me how much I wished that the show would have ended this way, with a thirty second flash-forward into the future showing Chuck and Sarah happy and with a family. Oh well, I guess that's what fan fiction is for._

_If there is enough interest, I may do the same sort of re-mastering thing to Fake Relationship. Of all my stories, it is unquestionably the most popular. Which is funny since it is fairly angsty for almost the whole story. Go figure._

x-x-x-x-x


End file.
